Don’t keep your talents to yourself! Learn how to silence your inner critic and make the impact you were born to create. Mary Cheyne rejoins the Technology = Equality Community for episode #74 to share tips and tricks on how to silence your inner critic! Mary Cheyne, 2009 World Championship of Public Speaking 1st Runner-up, of 25,000 contestants from over 14 countries, is helping you to face your fears, silence your inner critic and live your dreams. Mary originally joined us for episode #71 to discuss the ‘pink elephant’ public speakers don’t discuss. If you missed it, click here to check out episode #71.
Today Mary is a public speaking coach and author of the Amazon best-selling book “Present Yourself In Public Speaking”. Listen in as Mary and I dive even deeper into how your inner critic is holding you back and how you can overcome it. Then join Mary and I, in Woburn, MA this weekend December 9th & 10th for Mary’s 2-Day “Present Yourself In Public Speaking” Boot camp!
“Keep moving forward in spite of your fear!”
~Mary Cheyne
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Silence Your Inner Critic With Mary Cheyne.
Strategy: Be aware of the resistance you feel in life. The resistance can often signal something you should address in life. Keep a journal to release your inner critic and use your “Best Friend” voice to change your thought process.
Wisdom: You’re not alone, ‘Imposter Syndrome’ happens to many people. It is a completely common concern amongst men and women, young or old. Listen in to learn the five major categories of how your inner critic communicates.
Wish: Mary wants to help you silence your inner critic so you too can be empowered to live your dreams too!
Tools: Mary’s Best Selling Book
Reach Out Via:
Click Here to book a 20-minute Discovery call with Mary to see how she might be able to help you.
Full Transcription and Timestamps:
1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,720 and so if that ever comes up for you or 2 00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:05,339 if you're hearing it now and you can 3 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:08,069 relate to it and you go oh my god that 4 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:09,990 totally happened to me from Boston 5 00:00:08,069 --> 00:00:13,000 Massachusetts you're listening to the 6 00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:13,200 technology equals equality podcast 7 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,779 [Applause] 8 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:20,550 [Music] 9 00:00:17,779 --> 00:00:22,380 welcome back to the technology cause 10 00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:25,830 equality podcast I'm your host Lori 11 00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:28,260 Brooks and this is episode 74 I am very 12 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:32,219 pleased to welcome public speaker author 13 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:35,550 and coach Mary Sheen back to the show 14 00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:38,280 Mary originally joined us for episode 71 15 00:00:35,550 --> 00:00:41,040 to discuss the pink elephant in the room 16 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:44,489 the public speakers don't speak about 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:47,610 this week Mary is back to show you how 18 00:00:44,489 --> 00:00:50,460 you can begin silencing your inner 19 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:52,739 critic - Mary welcome back and thank you 20 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,870 so much for joining us again today thank 21 00:00:52,739 --> 00:01:01,140 you Laurie I am so excited to be back on 22 00:00:54,870 --> 00:01:04,470 I have you back on you are a ginormous 23 00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:07,470 part of this journey of mine over here 24 00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:09,600 at this point Mary for my listeners sake 25 00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:11,310 if you didn't get that chance to check 26 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,830 out that episode as I mentioned a moment 27 00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:16,229 ago you should check it out as I have 28 00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:18,630 shared that I did have the opportunity 29 00:01:16,229 --> 00:01:20,700 to read Mary's book and I am super 30 00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:24,060 excited about my own public speaking 31 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:27,450 journey as I have just before we started 32 00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:31,950 recording this episode enrolled in 33 00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:34,710 Mary's upcoming boot camp in December so 34 00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:36,270 Mary I'd love for you to develop you 35 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:39,119 know a little bit more about the boot 36 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:41,009 camp as we kind of get into this episode 37 00:01:39,119 --> 00:01:43,409 a little bit further but what I'd like 38 00:01:41,009 --> 00:01:45,659 to kind of do is take it back to what we 39 00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:48,210 were touching base on as I was 40 00:01:45,659 --> 00:01:50,310 registering was kind of that fear that I 41 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:52,290 was dealing with taking that next step 42 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:54,689 in my own journey because I'm positive 43 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:56,729 that it's a fear and a feeling that a 44 00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:59,850 lot of entrepreneurs come across that 45 00:01:56,729 --> 00:02:01,590 hesitation of investing in themselves or 46 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:04,140 taking that next step on their journey 47 00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:06,840 or getting on a stage or hosting that 48 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:09,479 webinar there's that that pops up that 49 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:12,540 makes you hesitate so I was sharing with 50 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:13,230 you the reframe and and what I was 51 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:15,750 working on my 52 00:02:13,230 --> 00:02:19,230 so and I'm just curious what have you 53 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:21,120 found to be the most common fear that 54 00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:23,400 you've come across with clients 55 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:27,629 great question wonderful wonderful 56 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:31,739 question there are many different fears 57 00:02:27,629 --> 00:02:33,930 that we have when as human beings when 58 00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:35,150 we step outside our comfort zone okay I 59 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:37,410 think your listeners are probably 60 00:02:35,150 --> 00:02:40,440 like-minded like you and I said they 61 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:42,360 probably heard that by now but how I 62 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,459 want to break that down and unpack it 63 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:47,670 for people so that there's a more 64 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:50,599 nuanced understanding of how to combat 65 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:54,209 your own fears when they come up is 66 00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:57,480 always work on noticing what your 67 00:02:54,209 --> 00:03:01,319 internal dialogue is all right because 68 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:04,410 thoughts lead to emotion and how you 69 00:03:01,319 --> 00:03:08,010 feel so paying attention to how you feel 70 00:03:04,410 --> 00:03:11,069 when the fears come up and then asking 71 00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:14,310 yourself what is actually causing this 72 00:03:11,069 --> 00:03:17,459 fear right and so one of the most common 73 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:20,069 fears is to answer your question more 74 00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:23,459 directly is in terms of public speaking 75 00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:25,350 especially is I don't want to look 76 00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:27,690 stupid 77 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:29,880 or something around that genre that 78 00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:31,590 theme of stupidity right so I don't want 79 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,840 to feel stupid I don't want to look 80 00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:35,670 stupid I don't want to appear stupid and 81 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,829 that is one of the most common 82 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:41,819 underlying themes of why people avoid 83 00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:43,889 public speaking or when they do somehow 84 00:03:41,819 --> 00:03:46,440 have to do it or feel like they need to 85 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:48,239 do it that fear is there with them as 86 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:51,090 they open their mouths for the first 87 00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:53,220 time on the stage behind the scene so 88 00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:54,660 it's nothing like a consciously thinking 89 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:57,120 I don't want to look stupid anyone looks 90 00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:59,880 stupid it's a subconscious fear that's 91 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:02,940 lurking just behind it so that just 92 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:05,010 behind the the surface on the periphery 93 00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:06,840 and that's why there's this more obvious 94 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:09,750 fear around well I've got to be probe 95 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,889 eggs I hope I prepare enough I hope I 96 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,590 don't say anything that's gonna 97 00:04:10,889 --> 00:04:16,139 discredit myself and very closely 98 00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:18,359 related to that fear is the what I've 99 00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:20,190 noticed with the clients and people that 100 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,900 I work with and you know as you know 101 00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:26,400 you've read my book I talked about it at 102 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:27,470 length in my book is this fear of being 103 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:31,400 found out 104 00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:33,950 okay so what that means is the impostor 105 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,770 syndrome you may have heard of this many 106 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:40,040 people have not right but there's this 107 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:43,250 common concept out there called the 108 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:45,410 impostor syndrome and I can tell you and 109 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:47,360 so what that means is you know in a very 110 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:49,250 high level is whatever you're doing 111 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:52,520 whatever your the value you're providing 112 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:55,250 to the audience or however you show up 113 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:58,460 to help the audience there's a feeling 114 00:04:55,250 --> 00:05:01,460 in the background of I'm just faking it 115 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:03,680 I'm not really a you know X Y or Z 116 00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:06,350 whatever you're doing in life whoever 117 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:08,320 you are representing I'm not really that 118 00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:13,880 I'm not really an expert on this topic 119 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:17,060 and so that becomes a fear in itself of 120 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:19,210 being found out okay so first of all 121 00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:22,400 that is a very common thing that happens 122 00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:24,380 for people and so if that ever comes up 123 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,940 for you or if you're hearing it now and 124 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:28,400 you can relate to it and you go oh my 125 00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:30,190 god that totally happens to me then just 126 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:33,530 first of all know that it's normal that 127 00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:35,720 it comes up for many many people just 128 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:37,760 the fact that you're a human being and 129 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,470 the fact that you are stepping outside 130 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:42,710 your comfort zone and whatever that 131 00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:47,240 looks like for you that will come up or 132 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:49,610 that a similar fear will come up is the 133 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,410 fact that it's the new effect that you 134 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:54,860 are outside your comfort zone there's as 135 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:56,990 part of your brain that kicks in that 136 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:59,060 tries to keep you safe right that keep 137 00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:01,550 you safe don't go out the comfort zone 138 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:03,560 you know this is perceived threat but 139 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:07,220 something's going to happen to you so 140 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:10,370 this fear is not something that you want 141 00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:12,169 to suppress or wish that it wasn't there 142 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:15,140 or there's something wrong with you 143 00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:18,380 because the fear is there no the idea is 144 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:21,080 to notice it when it comes up and it's 145 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:22,760 normal and then to proceed in the 146 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,410 direction that you choose because you 147 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:27,130 know you're growing and you know you 148 00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:29,540 want to take next step in this direction 149 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:31,580 whether it's contributing more or 150 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:32,870 stepping up your game whatever that 151 00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:34,340 looks like for you and in public 152 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,590 speaking it usually means speaking 153 00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:38,960 outside of your comfort zone so in other 154 00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:40,669 words if you were used to say speaking 155 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,150 in front of a group of you know five to 156 00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:43,520 ten P 157 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,500 Paul about a topic that you're very very 158 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,030 familiar with so your next level of 159 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:50,900 comfort zone might be speaking in front 160 00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:52,640 of 50 to 200 people in a new topic right 161 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:56,000 a topic that you want to contribute but 162 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:58,940 you haven't you're not very practiced in 163 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,320 giving that topic and so that isn't by 164 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:02,420 nature outside of the comfort zone 165 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:05,240 because there's something new right so 166 00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:06,950 anytime you endeavor in presenting 167 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,290 something new or stepping outside your 168 00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:11,120 comfort zone in any kind of sense 169 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:13,550 whether it's a new skill you're learning 170 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:16,610 or you're endeavoring to have your own 171 00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:18,320 business now for the first time you know 172 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:21,020 creating a new area of business you 173 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,490 haven't created before anything like 174 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:25,250 that that's outside your comfort zone 175 00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:28,040 the idea is notice when the fear comes 176 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:30,080 up and because you know for sure that's 177 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,910 the direction you want to travel you 178 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,460 want to notice that internal dialogue 179 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:37,160 and the fear and then moving forward 180 00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:39,920 despite of that fear that is the trick 181 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,480 my friend and that is worth if you can 182 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:45,260 do that and you can do that consistently 183 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:46,820 and internally coach yourself to not let 184 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,380 the fear stop you from taking the 185 00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:50,810 antigen that is the Holy Grail right 186 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:54,110 there definitely it's about making sure 187 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:57,650 that you take the actions whatever that 188 00:07:54,110 --> 00:08:00,020 that fear that hesitation is felt I tend 189 00:07:57,650 --> 00:08:01,220 to notice or recognizing myself that 190 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,720 there's something that I need to follow 191 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:04,430 through with there something that I need 192 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,320 to move forward with it's not 193 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:08,480 necessarily the easiest thing to go 194 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:11,480 about recognizing you're noticing do you 195 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:14,180 find that there are more female clients 196 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:17,210 versus male clients do you think that 197 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:20,350 there's a difference in the way females 198 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:25,130 versus males approach this sort of 199 00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:28,640 hesitation or the fear that's a great 200 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:31,220 question and I would I think it's both I 201 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:33,650 think there are commonalities and there 202 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:36,230 are slight differences as well the 203 00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:38,570 commonality being the baseline is 204 00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:40,250 whether you're male or female we have 205 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:44,330 one thing in common and that is that 206 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:47,690 were all humans right so as human beings 207 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:51,740 we definitely share the same mechanics 208 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:53,100 of how when we are endeavoring to do 209 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:56,069 something new learn something 210 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:59,370 and oh it's going to be those awkward 211 00:08:56,069 --> 00:09:01,110 moments at the beginning and you know 212 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:02,850 that that in itself is a commonality 213 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:04,709 between men and women now if I had to 214 00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:06,569 separate them and I talked a little bit 215 00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:07,889 about this in my book about the 216 00:09:06,569 --> 00:09:10,079 differences between men and women 217 00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:12,600 especially when it comes to dealing with 218 00:09:10,079 --> 00:09:14,699 public speaking is there are some 219 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:18,509 biological differences between men and 220 00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:21,420 women and the way the way I described it 221 00:09:18,509 --> 00:09:24,660 in the book is for men 222 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:27,120 the primary chemistry I guess is 223 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:29,160 dominated by testosterone right there's 224 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,769 this dark side you know quote-unquote 225 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,970 dark side of testosterone is violence 226 00:09:31,769 --> 00:09:35,069 when there's too much of it there's 227 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:38,519 there happens to be the violence right 228 00:09:35,069 --> 00:09:42,870 for women were wired differently just by 229 00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:45,779 nature and that our predominant chemical 230 00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:48,870 is estrogen right the way women socially 231 00:09:45,779 --> 00:09:49,949 bond traditionally is through nurturing 232 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:52,319 each other right 233 00:09:49,949 --> 00:09:54,990 the nature of nurturing each other and 234 00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:58,019 then the dark side quotient again the 235 00:09:54,990 --> 00:10:02,730 dark side of how females function is the 236 00:09:58,019 --> 00:10:05,459 the tendency to exclude okay so for 237 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:08,250 example and this is and you know this is 238 00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:10,889 not me me creating this it's very well 239 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:13,500 known this is the phenomenon that you 240 00:10:10,889 --> 00:10:15,120 would see in movies or in books like 241 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,949 this is a movie for except me and girls 242 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:21,180 and there's plenty other examples like 243 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:22,889 that and a book called queen bees and 244 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:25,800 wannabes right it's a very well known 245 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:27,750 phenomenon and and women as we grow up 246 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,490 well maybe when we get to between years 247 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:31,319 the teenagers were experience this in 248 00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:33,180 the peer pressure where it's the 249 00:10:31,319 --> 00:10:36,540 exclusion happens in the form of which 250 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:38,670 is nice I'm not your friend right and so 251 00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:41,939 there's this exclusion that happens and 252 00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:48,380 so because we're wired that way there is 253 00:10:41,939 --> 00:10:52,949 this tendency for women to to have the 254 00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:56,009 predisposition to want to be like yeah 255 00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:58,259 and so what that means wanting to be 256 00:10:56,009 --> 00:11:00,620 liked the opposite of that is not 257 00:10:58,259 --> 00:11:03,980 wanting to be ousted 258 00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:06,329 not wanting to be rejected and I'm sure 259 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:08,549 Lori if you would ask any 260 00:11:06,329 --> 00:11:10,799 your female listeners they either have 261 00:11:08,549 --> 00:11:12,420 experienced it themselves somewhere 262 00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:13,799 along their growing up journey or they 263 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:17,369 know of somebody close to them who's 264 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:21,149 experienced being ousted right and I 265 00:11:17,369 --> 00:11:22,980 myself have as well many times if I was 266 00:11:21,149 --> 00:11:26,249 showing this story with my one of my 267 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:29,309 friends in the fifth grade I was dumped 268 00:11:26,249 --> 00:11:30,839 by my best friend okay and that if 269 00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:33,959 you've ever experienced it it's not a 270 00:11:30,839 --> 00:11:38,759 pleasant feeling and so there is this 271 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:39,959 tendency now to unconsciously want to be 272 00:11:38,759 --> 00:11:42,029 liked right 273 00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:44,220 not wanting to be disliked and so the 274 00:11:42,029 --> 00:11:47,759 way it manifests in public speaking for 275 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:50,730 example is being consciously aware that 276 00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:53,100 you're not there on the stage to be 277 00:11:50,730 --> 00:11:55,350 liked I mean it's my preference to be 278 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,420 liked and I'm you know it's great if you 279 00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:59,129 in during my audience and whatever I say 280 00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:01,619 resonates with you know oh I like her 281 00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:03,959 that's great that is my preference but 282 00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:06,329 the purpose my primary purpose is being 283 00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:08,489 in the stage is not for you to like me 284 00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:10,739 because I will say things that will 285 00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:12,869 probably wake you up in some way maybe 286 00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:15,389 even a little controversial maybe to you 287 00:12:12,869 --> 00:12:17,189 know trigger you deliberately so that I 288 00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:18,720 can wake you up to these insights or 289 00:12:17,189 --> 00:12:21,720 concepts that I'm trying to share with 290 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:24,059 you and so if my primary concern while 291 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,529 I'm the stage is to be light then that's 292 00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:28,290 going to hold my whole back my 293 00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:30,239 expression right and so you know and not 294 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,619 to say that men don't have that men as 295 00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:33,360 human beings also you know would like to 296 00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,819 be liked as well nobody I don't think 297 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:38,129 ever consciously just gets up that just 298 00:12:35,819 --> 00:12:40,769 not to be light but yeah that is a 299 00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:43,079 slight difference in the way we're wired 300 00:12:40,769 --> 00:12:46,019 as men and women and in my experience I 301 00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:49,739 work with both men and women men also 302 00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:50,759 have a similar and I want to emphasize 303 00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:54,269 this point because I think it's 304 00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:57,540 important also have the as human beings 305 00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:59,699 the fear of being rejected as well even 306 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:02,189 if it's more unconscious than 307 00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:05,160 subconscious and then the women however 308 00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:06,600 they're not as what I've noticed in the 309 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:11,730 people that I work with they're not 310 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:14,759 necessarily as open about sharing those 311 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:16,799 fears right but once it's put on the 312 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:19,170 table once it's out there in the open 313 00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:21,630 then you say oh yeah I have that 314 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:24,690 - and yes I have that - so I think it's 315 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:26,430 it is women are more susceptible to it 316 00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:30,800 but men are definitely not exempt from 317 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:34,500 it in fact probably equally subjected to 318 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:35,760 the the same phenomenon but not as we 319 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:39,720 stress about it 320 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:42,959 it's just that it's not as commonly 321 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:45,540 discussed or as commonly recognized - 322 00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:48,959 that perception that recognition of it 323 00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:51,120 may not be as available as it is to 324 00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:55,800 those who are looking or consciously 325 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:58,380 aware of their intent or interest in the 326 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:01,399 statement as you said you know the need 327 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:04,380 to be like right right yeah this is some 328 00:14:01,399 --> 00:14:06,959 perception I need to look up his name 329 00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:08,820 but there's this author a seeker who 330 00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:11,490 talks about this at length and I learned 331 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:15,480 from him through his experiences that 332 00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:17,870 the way men grow up is is more of a if 333 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,860 you were to share your feelings with 334 00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:22,230 somebody like in your in your male 335 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,699 bonding group then it there is a high 336 00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:26,550 chance that it could be perceived as a 337 00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:28,949 weakness you see and so that's why many 338 00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:32,040 men don't share and end up bottling it 339 00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:33,870 up and you know in many ways that's 340 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,430 that's it's going to manifest the quirks 341 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:37,769 are going to manifest differently right 342 00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:39,510 author about that that side of things - 343 00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:42,360 mint which I can't speak to you cuz I'm 344 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:45,180 not one well no that's wonderful what 345 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,490 we'll do is we will put a link to either 346 00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:50,130 his youtube channel or his website along 347 00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:52,589 with the info about the bootcamp on the 348 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:54,180 show next page for the listeners and and 349 00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:56,610 links so that they can check them out 350 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:59,459 thank you for sharing that I know fear 351 00:14:56,610 --> 00:15:02,550 was really big player during your 352 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:05,970 journey as an entrepreneur and becoming 353 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:08,519 a speaker but I'm curious about whether 354 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:12,180 or not you feel like fear was also the 355 00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:15,839 biggest player when launching your own 356 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:17,430 coaching firms so magnetic podium what 357 00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:19,260 do you feel was the difference between 358 00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:22,079 the two and what if there was a 359 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:25,769 difference that is a great question I 360 00:15:22,079 --> 00:15:28,800 think fear is a part of everyday life 361 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:30,269 and a fear is a part of the common limit 362 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,760 now Lee that we experience as human 363 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:35,370 beings so it will be pervasive 364 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:38,130 you know whether it's whether it was me 365 00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:40,250 learning to be a better speaker or me 366 00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:43,260 launching my own business that 367 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:46,380 definitely is a commonality that that I 368 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:48,420 do have to get through in platoon to 369 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,770 continue launching the business and so 370 00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:51,810 it's a training and communications 371 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:55,050 company with a coaching side of it as 372 00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:57,000 well one-on-one coaching and how I now 373 00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:59,250 describe it is its transformation or 374 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:04,980 public speaking so in other words it's 375 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:07,800 not necessarily addressing its core 376 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:09,270 purpose is not to address the just the 377 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,770 mechanics of speaking because I started 378 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:13,320 to notice that in the public speaking 379 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:15,150 training education world out there and I 380 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,520 myself through my journey have taken 381 00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:21,120 many many many public speaking courses 382 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:24,360 and training courses and the gap that I 383 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:27,180 perceived when I started teaching public 384 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:30,320 speaking back in 2009 it became very 385 00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:32,400 obvious to me that people's number one 386 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,440 obstacle that got in their way of 387 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,450 becoming the best most self-express 388 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:38,940 speaker that they can be what held them 389 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:40,890 back wasn't the mechanics which is what 390 00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:43,110 was being taught so what I mean by 391 00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:45,030 mechanics is things like how do you 392 00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:47,580 stand how do you use your voice how do 393 00:16:45,030 --> 00:16:49,380 you structure a speech how do you what 394 00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:51,870 is the message all of that is important 395 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:53,820 but was what was not being addressed was 396 00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:57,150 pink elephant in the room so to speak 397 00:16:53,820 --> 00:17:01,560 which is the inner critic yourself right 398 00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:03,870 so when you went so when I was creating 399 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,640 courses and writing my book about the 400 00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:07,680 whole process of what I teach you how to 401 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:12,570 conquer your own inner critic it became 402 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:15,140 very readily apparent to me that if I'm 403 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:18,660 not myself constantly and consistently 404 00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:21,690 working on my own inner critic and and 405 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:24,420 being able to identify it when it comes 406 00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:27,959 up in proceeding despite of it then I 407 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:30,360 have no credibility teaching it okay so 408 00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:32,150 as I was launching my company around 409 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:34,440 this concept and around what I teach 410 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:36,510 there is also something that I was 411 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:39,420 watching right what is my own inner 412 00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:41,610 critic saying right now as I am 413 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:42,990 endeavoring to launch this business as 414 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:45,210 I'm you know building out the next 415 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:47,169 components of my business and even in 416 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:49,510 writing the book 417 00:17:47,169 --> 00:17:51,220 this all came up so it's fascinating 418 00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:55,059 that you asked this question because the 419 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:58,120 fear that doesn't always come manifest 420 00:17:55,059 --> 00:18:00,100 itself as APU right right it's funny a 421 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:02,740 lot of the times actually it doesn't 422 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:04,899 manifest as an obvious like you're not 423 00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:07,600 literally sitting there going I'm scared 424 00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:10,269 right now right don't manifest that way 425 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:13,929 how how it's sometimes and often does 426 00:18:10,269 --> 00:18:17,440 manifest is notice there's this internal 427 00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:19,539 resistance that happens right Steven 428 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:23,409 Pressfield who's a very well-known 429 00:18:19,539 --> 00:18:25,960 author he talks about this as well and 430 00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:27,940 then and it's the equal and opposite 431 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,639 it's almost like there's two opposing 432 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:33,340 forces that's happening within us so one 433 00:18:30,639 --> 00:18:35,080 is we want to survive right as human 434 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:37,570 beings obviously we don't die we want to 435 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,320 survive so that's one force and then the 436 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:43,000 opposite force is we also want to grow I 437 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:45,429 want to grow as human beings we want to 438 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,110 evolve as human beings and what does 439 00:18:45,429 --> 00:18:49,690 that mean that means we have to step 440 00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:52,090 outside our comfort zone so these two 441 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:54,159 equal and opposite forces are happening 442 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,510 at the same time so I want to grow yeah 443 00:18:54,159 --> 00:18:56,860 I want to grow and then you step outside 444 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:59,260 your comfort zone you're like oh no I 445 00:18:56,860 --> 00:19:01,450 need to survive I need to get back into 446 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:04,269 my comfort zone so these two opposite 447 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:06,940 forces are always working against each 448 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:09,190 other and it's not a good thing it's not 449 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:12,490 a bad thing it's a neutral thing to 450 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:14,529 notice and understand within our souls 451 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:17,200 because how it manifests on a daily 452 00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:18,789 basis is for example if you are let's 453 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,230 say building out a new component to your 454 00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:21,639 business you've never done it before or 455 00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:22,870 you're working on a new speech a new 456 00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:26,289 presentation that you've never given 457 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:28,929 before and how it comes across inside 458 00:19:26,289 --> 00:19:30,399 how did a dialogue if you were to notice 459 00:19:28,929 --> 00:19:33,639 within yourself might be something like 460 00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:35,710 oh I really don't want to do this right 461 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:38,350 now and it reveal I'd are such a hard 462 00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:41,049 work I'm never gonna get this finished 463 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:44,620 right so that in itself is putting 464 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:46,929 dialogue into what that feeling is right 465 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:49,240 that feeling is always hard and I'm 466 00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:51,549 gonna do it now I don't feel like it I'm 467 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,860 sure all of your listeners can relate to 468 00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:57,639 that and you're like oh that feeling of 469 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:58,880 hardwood that pushed that that that the 470 00:19:57,639 --> 00:20:01,760 the 471 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:05,030 distance of you know getting into motion 472 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:07,220 you got to really set yourself on this 473 00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:09,650 path of paths in your own universe 474 00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:13,070 aright like divine path the initial 475 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:15,740 inertia yes having that asset of minds 476 00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:18,050 that have in that and momentum why I'm 477 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:21,970 saying that in relation to your question 478 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:25,220 is to the few doesn't always necessarily 479 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:27,470 come across as recognizable scariness 480 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:30,170 it's a lot of the time its internal 481 00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:32,720 resistance right so yeah absolutely in 482 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:36,950 everything I do when it's new whether it 483 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:41,000 was creating my business or or launching 484 00:20:36,950 --> 00:20:44,240 a new pod business that comes up that 485 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,490 that internal resistance comes up and so 486 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:49,250 yeah absolutely knowing using the same 487 00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:53,270 processes that I teach my clients to get 488 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:54,710 over those internal resistance is you 489 00:20:53,270 --> 00:20:57,370 know what I'm about and what I love to 490 00:20:54,710 --> 00:21:03,800 share with people because they work 491 00:20:57,370 --> 00:21:06,770 we're not doing them they would no I 492 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,770 agree they do work you know once you 493 00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:11,900 address it take that recognition of it 494 00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:16,000 and then address it in some way shape or 495 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:19,040 form you will see differences you know 496 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:20,900 mindset is one of the largest hurdles 497 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:23,240 that most people tend to face during 498 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:24,950 their journey I'm curious whether or not 499 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:28,670 you find there to be some sort of 500 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:31,670 recurring language or specific phrases 501 00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:33,170 that people tend to use when you're 502 00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:35,210 working with clients so in other words 503 00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:37,100 throughout your client base do you find 504 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:39,710 that there's a resounding fear that 505 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:41,450 everyone tends to have Lori that's a 506 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:42,950 great question and here's how I'm going 507 00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:45,050 to answer that I'll give you an example 508 00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:47,810 I think there's a really good way of 509 00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:52,490 illustrating it when I was writing my 510 00:21:47,810 --> 00:21:54,350 book all right and it's a process to 511 00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:57,110 write a book and anyone who's written in 512 00:21:54,350 --> 00:22:00,800 their book will know this it takes a lot 513 00:21:57,110 --> 00:22:02,750 of discipline to be able to finish the 514 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,580 book right it's one thing I think the 515 00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:07,190 statistic is I forget the exact number 516 00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:08,630 but it's really high number it's like 90 517 00:22:07,190 --> 00:22:09,920 something percent of people want to 518 00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:11,360 write a book or one day would love to 519 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,809 write a book but yet the percentage of 520 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:15,600 people that actually do and publish 521 00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:18,980 the book is very small and I believe 522 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:21,779 it's it's due to this phenomenon isn't 523 00:22:18,980 --> 00:22:23,999 having the tools to deal with your own 524 00:22:21,779 --> 00:22:25,320 internal resistance around doing 525 00:22:23,999 --> 00:22:28,169 something and following through with 526 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:30,450 something so how I do that during the 527 00:22:28,169 --> 00:22:32,580 book writing process and I think this is 528 00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:34,499 a process that anyone can take to use 529 00:22:32,580 --> 00:22:36,809 around anything whether it's writing a 530 00:22:34,499 --> 00:22:42,769 book or learning something new is to 531 00:22:36,809 --> 00:22:45,480 have what I call a practice around 532 00:22:42,769 --> 00:22:47,249 debunking firstly noticing what the 533 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:49,919 little voices are that's coming up the 534 00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:51,840 internal resistant voices and then a way 535 00:22:49,919 --> 00:22:53,669 to get you out of it to take action 536 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,649 anymore because it sounds like very 537 00:22:53,669 --> 00:22:58,830 theoretical right so here's how I 538 00:22:55,649 --> 00:23:01,409 implement it on a practical basis all 539 00:22:58,830 --> 00:23:03,450 right take any piece of paper or even a 540 00:23:01,409 --> 00:23:06,269 word document which is what I use during 541 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:09,149 my writing process as a very specific 542 00:23:06,269 --> 00:23:12,330 example I would make myself sit there 543 00:23:09,149 --> 00:23:14,580 every single weekday morning between you 544 00:23:12,330 --> 00:23:17,190 know it's like 6:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. 545 00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:19,350 I'm gonna spend one hour writing part of 546 00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:23,700 this book all right and so I would sit 547 00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:26,669 there and start noticing those internal 548 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:29,100 resistant voices that come up and each 549 00:23:26,669 --> 00:23:31,080 one that came up I would literally go to 550 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:33,450 my word document and type it out in 551 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,999 bullet points I won't get this done on 552 00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:38,580 time there's so much writing I'm never 553 00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:41,279 gonna finish it there's a long way to go 554 00:23:38,580 --> 00:23:43,860 right I won't be able to do it like 555 00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:46,619 whatever it is I didn't make them wrong 556 00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:48,539 I allow them to come up and all I did 557 00:23:46,619 --> 00:23:49,919 was document them and just by the type 558 00:23:48,539 --> 00:23:51,869 type type site okay that's what's there 559 00:23:49,919 --> 00:23:54,179 right now tak tak tak tak so in the 560 00:23:51,869 --> 00:23:57,119 middle of the word document I would draw 561 00:23:54,179 --> 00:23:59,220 a line on the other side of the document 562 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:02,460 next the bullet points that I had just 563 00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:04,499 listed it would be what would my best 564 00:24:02,460 --> 00:24:06,330 friend say to me what are the empowering 565 00:24:04,499 --> 00:24:09,090 voices that my best friend would say to 566 00:24:06,330 --> 00:24:10,559 me if I went to her with this concern so 567 00:24:09,090 --> 00:24:12,299 for example I want to get it done on 568 00:24:10,559 --> 00:24:14,369 time there's not another so much writing 569 00:24:12,299 --> 00:24:15,929 I'll never finish it if I took this 570 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:17,970 concern to my best friend she would say 571 00:24:15,929 --> 00:24:20,690 and I literally wrote this down in 572 00:24:17,970 --> 00:24:23,220 bullet points you're making progress 573 00:24:20,690 --> 00:24:25,529 rome wasn't built in a day 574 00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:26,640 anything worth writing is worth spending 575 00:24:25,529 --> 00:24:30,600 time on 576 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:32,820 focus on baby steps moving forward and 577 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:36,059 then once I got all that out I was like 578 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:38,760 oh my lip my state of mind literally 579 00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:40,980 shifted from I can't do this I can't do 580 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,900 it oh yeah you're absolutely right yeah 581 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:46,280 that's so true and then I would switch 582 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:46,280 back to the other page and start writing 583 00:24:47,990 --> 00:24:53,820 yeah so that is a very simple simple 584 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:57,420 methodology that you you your list you 585 00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:59,730 and your listeners can use to get 586 00:24:57,420 --> 00:25:03,030 yourself out of that loop that little 587 00:24:59,730 --> 00:25:05,690 loop that that tends to we sit in like a 588 00:25:03,030 --> 00:25:08,970 little cul-de-sac that we're sit in and 589 00:25:05,690 --> 00:25:10,919 stew in and not be able to take action 590 00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:13,110 you say with what I'm saying it's it's 591 00:25:10,919 --> 00:25:16,799 just very it's a very practical way of 592 00:25:13,110 --> 00:25:18,600 doing it and so what I ended up doing at 593 00:25:16,799 --> 00:25:19,980 the end of it let's see how long did it 594 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,600 take me to write the book until it was 595 00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:23,070 ready for editing probably six months 596 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,530 right approximately six months until I 597 00:25:23,070 --> 00:25:27,000 finished the first draft of the book or 598 00:25:25,530 --> 00:25:29,490 until it was ready for a professional 599 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:32,010 editor to look at right and so during 600 00:25:29,490 --> 00:25:34,590 the six months as you can imagine that 601 00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:36,360 word document of the little voice 602 00:25:34,590 --> 00:25:38,400 internal resistance voice versus the 603 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:42,840 best friend voice that document became 604 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:44,940 very very long long right and because 605 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,440 even if the same voice came up from 606 00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:47,970 yesterday from the day before I didn't 607 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,620 care I didn't look at it and go oh it's 608 00:25:47,970 --> 00:25:52,230 a duplicate voice ocean write it down no 609 00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:54,330 I wrote it down anyway but at the end of 610 00:25:52,230 --> 00:25:56,190 that six month process right this is 611 00:25:54,330 --> 00:25:59,400 where my nerdiness comes across because 612 00:25:56,190 --> 00:26:03,000 I'm constantly trying to figure out 613 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:05,490 tools and processes of how I can get 614 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,260 over my own conquer my own internal 615 00:26:05,490 --> 00:26:09,360 resistance so that I can create what I 616 00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:12,419 need to contribute into the world and I 617 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:15,510 know that I am the biggest hurdle in my 618 00:26:12,419 --> 00:26:17,040 own biggest barrier of what I can 619 00:26:15,510 --> 00:26:19,080 produce like the ideas that I have 620 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:22,080 versus an being manifested physically 621 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:25,309 out into the world these barrier and so 622 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:27,870 I am the person to figure out how to 623 00:26:25,309 --> 00:26:30,360 conquer my own inner resistance when it 624 00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:32,460 comes up so this long long long word 625 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:34,230 document that ended up having as a 626 00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:35,880 result of writing down my little voices 627 00:26:34,230 --> 00:26:38,700 and bestfriends voices every single day 628 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:40,210 of my writing I talked I went through it 629 00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:43,090 meticulously 630 00:26:40,210 --> 00:26:43,840 and categorized all of the little voices 631 00:26:43,090 --> 00:26:47,020 okay 632 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:50,890 and then here's what I found I found one 633 00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:53,740 two three four five categories the five 634 00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:56,890 categories then I noticed the inner 635 00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:58,960 critic voices came were in the form of 636 00:26:56,890 --> 00:27:01,690 and if like if I had to put them under 637 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:04,300 umbrellas they would be grouped this way 638 00:27:01,690 --> 00:27:08,650 the first category out of the five is 639 00:27:04,300 --> 00:27:10,510 overwhelm you feel very overwhelmed so 640 00:27:08,650 --> 00:27:13,150 the example to answer your question the 641 00:27:10,510 --> 00:27:16,300 example common little voices that would 642 00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:18,700 come up as a part of feeling overwhelmed 643 00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:20,860 is I don't want I won't get this done on 644 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:22,480 time there's so much to do what are you 645 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:23,650 but I'm finisher there's such a long way 646 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,080 to go I'll never finish it 647 00:27:23,650 --> 00:27:28,780 so that's overwhelm it never got this 648 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:31,380 done right that's overwhelm the second 649 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:34,170 category is it's too hard it's too 650 00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:36,760 difficult the challenge is too great so 651 00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:39,040 the how it manifests is the little voice 652 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:41,320 saying the internal dialogue saying I 653 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,910 won't be able to do it I can't do it I 654 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,960 don't know how I just can't it's too 655 00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:46,030 hard right 656 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:48,970 that's the second category the third 657 00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:54,910 category is that the internal dialogue 658 00:27:48,970 --> 00:27:57,490 attacks your own credibility okay so as 659 00:27:54,910 --> 00:28:00,100 an example the the internal dialogue 660 00:27:57,490 --> 00:28:03,010 might sound like this oh my god what if 661 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:05,620 I say this is all BS Oh what I'm saying 662 00:28:03,010 --> 00:28:06,790 is BS this is so good enough my writing 663 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,720 is not good enough or whatever it is 664 00:28:06,790 --> 00:28:09,160 you're working on it's not good enough 665 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,720 this is BS and no one's ever gonna pay 666 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,550 attention to this what value do I have 667 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:15,460 to bring to the world this is this is 668 00:28:12,550 --> 00:28:17,170 nonsense right so noticing that that's 669 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:20,830 third category if it's attacking your 670 00:28:17,170 --> 00:28:22,330 own credibility okay and again I would 671 00:28:20,830 --> 00:28:23,830 like to ask you and your listeners to 672 00:28:22,330 --> 00:28:26,710 see if you can relate to this and I'm 673 00:28:23,830 --> 00:28:29,680 pretty sure you can the fourth category 674 00:28:26,710 --> 00:28:32,620 is the resistance to the work itself 675 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:36,490 okay so what that would sound like an 676 00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:38,320 internal dialogue would be good and I 677 00:28:36,490 --> 00:28:40,600 feel like doing the work right now I 678 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,940 didn't really feel like it do I have to 679 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:45,430 do it I just want to go out and have fun 680 00:28:42,940 --> 00:28:46,930 I just want to watch TV I just want to 681 00:28:45,430 --> 00:28:48,520 have chocolate I just want to whatever 682 00:28:46,930 --> 00:28:50,200 whatever exfilling the bank 683 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,630 I just want to XYZ I don't want to do it 684 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,530 right now so that's the resistance to 685 00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:57,550 the work it's 686 00:28:53,530 --> 00:28:59,500 okay and in the last category is similar 687 00:28:57,550 --> 00:29:02,290 to attacking your own credibility but a 688 00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:05,290 little bit more sharp a little bit more 689 00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:08,950 deep deep which is attacking your own 690 00:29:05,290 --> 00:29:09,850 self-worth yeah so it's like what's 691 00:29:08,950 --> 00:29:11,680 wrong with me 692 00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:13,780 no one else seems to be struggling like 693 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:18,400 I am I am I need anyone who found it 694 00:29:13,780 --> 00:29:22,140 hard with me oh my god I was wrong so 695 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:27,100 it's literally attacking your self-worth 696 00:29:22,140 --> 00:29:29,410 right so this is from lots and lots of 697 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:31,300 examples of the data and when I and I've 698 00:29:29,410 --> 00:29:34,000 shared this with many many people since 699 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:36,490 and every person I've shared it with can 700 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:39,520 relate to most if not all of these 701 00:29:36,490 --> 00:29:41,410 categories right and so the idea to 702 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:44,290 answer your question in a very very long 703 00:29:41,410 --> 00:29:45,940 format is absolutely there are common in 704 00:29:44,290 --> 00:29:48,130 a critic internal voices that come up 705 00:29:45,940 --> 00:29:50,710 all the time related to our fear related 706 00:29:48,130 --> 00:29:54,820 to our internal resistance and if you 707 00:29:50,710 --> 00:30:00,310 can relate to any of that no it's a 708 00:29:54,820 --> 00:30:02,110 human thing I love it no you're not the 709 00:30:00,310 --> 00:30:03,910 only one and I love those five 710 00:30:02,110 --> 00:30:06,520 categories that you provided the 711 00:30:03,910 --> 00:30:08,590 overwhelm it's too hard not good enough 712 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:11,080 resistance and so forth they're 713 00:30:08,590 --> 00:30:13,000 definitely all very relatable categories 714 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,130 that you know I'm sure entrepreneurs 715 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:18,250 across the board experienced in one way 716 00:30:15,130 --> 00:30:19,990 shape or form I think what I thought was 717 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,490 most impressive about what you were 718 00:30:19,990 --> 00:30:23,770 stating just now to kind of want to 719 00:30:21,490 --> 00:30:26,110 rewind to you're expressing you know 720 00:30:23,770 --> 00:30:29,860 while you were writing the book how you 721 00:30:26,110 --> 00:30:32,050 just kept moving forward by using the 722 00:30:29,860 --> 00:30:34,960 journal by using that document by 723 00:30:32,050 --> 00:30:37,330 creating the momentum with it not even 724 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:40,120 to look back to see if you've written up 725 00:30:37,330 --> 00:30:42,220 before debating on how many times you've 726 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,860 written this little voice down it didn't 727 00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:48,040 matter the point was to get it out to 728 00:30:44,860 --> 00:30:50,170 get it out and keep the momentum flowing 729 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,460 so I just wanted to kind of bring us 730 00:30:50,170 --> 00:30:54,070 back to that because I thought that was 731 00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:55,930 really important and kudos and Congrats 732 00:30:54,070 --> 00:30:59,320 once again on the book I absolutely 733 00:30:55,930 --> 00:31:01,870 loved it and can't wait to get to the 734 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:04,060 boot camp Mary I'd love for you to share 735 00:31:01,870 --> 00:31:06,280 you know once again a little bit about 736 00:31:04,060 --> 00:31:06,759 what the boot camp will be like what 737 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,009 your 738 00:31:06,759 --> 00:31:13,269 to share there I'd like for you to also 739 00:31:09,009 --> 00:31:15,729 share your motivation why it is that you 740 00:31:13,269 --> 00:31:18,489 do what you do and why it is you're so 741 00:31:15,729 --> 00:31:20,619 excited to host this upcoming boot camp 742 00:31:18,489 --> 00:31:23,229 a great question thank you for asking so 743 00:31:20,619 --> 00:31:25,059 I have a 2-day boot camp it's a public 744 00:31:23,229 --> 00:31:28,089 speaking boot camp in here in the Boston 745 00:31:25,059 --> 00:31:30,519 area that I'll be holding it's on 746 00:31:28,089 --> 00:31:32,769 December the 9th and 10th is a Saturday 747 00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:36,009 and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. so you 748 00:31:32,769 --> 00:31:38,079 get two full days of immersion if you 749 00:31:36,009 --> 00:31:40,749 liked what you heard already on the 750 00:31:38,079 --> 00:31:42,699 podcast that is just a fraction of some 751 00:31:40,749 --> 00:31:45,339 of the things that I cover during the 752 00:31:42,699 --> 00:31:47,829 work in the boot camp so day one of the 753 00:31:45,339 --> 00:31:51,639 boot camp we spend a lot of time on the 754 00:31:47,829 --> 00:31:54,009 inner self so your internal dialogue of 755 00:31:51,639 --> 00:31:56,079 what's holding you back and what's 756 00:31:54,009 --> 00:31:58,749 keeping you from owning your full self 757 00:31:56,079 --> 00:32:00,639 expression as a public speaker and so 758 00:31:58,749 --> 00:32:03,059 day one will really spend a lot of time 759 00:32:00,639 --> 00:32:06,009 working on that looking at you and 760 00:32:03,059 --> 00:32:07,539 looking at the processes and guiding you 761 00:32:06,009 --> 00:32:09,719 through the processes and there's a lot 762 00:32:07,539 --> 00:32:12,819 of coaching that I do with you as well 763 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:14,739 so that we can have you have a 764 00:32:12,819 --> 00:32:18,399 transformational experience around 765 00:32:14,739 --> 00:32:20,529 public speaking and they one is what I 766 00:32:18,399 --> 00:32:22,749 was talking earlier before how most 767 00:32:20,529 --> 00:32:25,959 public speaking training are missing 768 00:32:22,749 --> 00:32:28,089 nobody talks about the how do you 769 00:32:25,959 --> 00:32:30,489 address the internal dialogue that comes 770 00:32:28,089 --> 00:32:32,619 up that disempowers you during public 771 00:32:30,489 --> 00:32:35,259 speaking or even in preparations for a 772 00:32:32,619 --> 00:32:37,839 presentation right so that we address in 773 00:32:35,259 --> 00:32:39,969 detail on day one day two of the 774 00:32:37,839 --> 00:32:42,519 bootcamp is more to do with the 775 00:32:39,969 --> 00:32:44,499 mechanics however it's more than just 776 00:32:42,519 --> 00:32:47,079 the regular mechanics you hear about we 777 00:32:44,499 --> 00:32:50,259 dive into engaging storytelling how do 778 00:32:47,079 --> 00:32:53,169 you get your point across in the form of 779 00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:55,359 a story so that you get the point across 780 00:32:53,169 --> 00:32:59,440 without boring people keep them engaged 781 00:32:55,359 --> 00:33:01,809 and they feel entertained so the idea is 782 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:04,029 having edutainment which is a 783 00:33:01,809 --> 00:33:06,459 combination of education and 784 00:33:04,029 --> 00:33:08,769 entertainment the more fun your audience 785 00:33:06,459 --> 00:33:10,059 has the more fun you have the better 786 00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:11,949 they're going to remember the content 787 00:33:10,059 --> 00:33:14,079 the more it's going to sink in anyway so 788 00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:16,419 we look into that we also look at the 789 00:33:14,079 --> 00:33:20,550 human psychology of how to influence 790 00:33:16,419 --> 00:33:22,890 people and how we can as presenters 791 00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:25,740 use that so that we can influence our 792 00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:28,440 audience to action so we dive a lot into 793 00:33:25,740 --> 00:33:30,240 that on day two and why is it two days 794 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:33,390 in a row because then it gives you the 795 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:36,230 immersive experience and you are there 796 00:33:33,390 --> 00:33:38,640 for my goal my intention is giving you a 797 00:33:36,230 --> 00:33:40,410 transformational experience not just of 798 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,990 public speaking but your own 799 00:33:40,410 --> 00:33:45,390 relationship to yourself and how you 800 00:33:42,990 --> 00:33:47,190 relate to public speaking so that when 801 00:33:45,390 --> 00:33:48,690 you come out of it you'll never think of 802 00:33:47,190 --> 00:33:51,420 public speaking the same way again 803 00:33:48,690 --> 00:33:54,000 okay so the idea is to empower you and 804 00:33:51,420 --> 00:33:55,620 give you the tools necessary to send you 805 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,080 on your way to become an amazing speaker 806 00:33:55,620 --> 00:34:01,440 and to answer your second question why 807 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,670 do I do what I do there's a that's a 808 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,820 great question because I think we should 809 00:34:02,670 --> 00:34:08,400 all start with the why and when I look 810 00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:11,010 at my Y as to why I'm doing business 811 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:13,919 this is actually just one step of the 812 00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:15,840 larger vision that I have public 813 00:34:13,919 --> 00:34:17,970 speaking is definitely a huge component 814 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:20,070 of that and that's where my own 815 00:34:17,970 --> 00:34:21,870 credibility lies in terms of having 816 00:34:20,070 --> 00:34:23,970 conquered my own fear of public speaking 817 00:34:21,870 --> 00:34:25,590 and now putting it out into the world in 818 00:34:23,970 --> 00:34:29,130 a bigger way than I have been in 819 00:34:25,590 --> 00:34:31,679 previous years of my life such as 820 00:34:29,130 --> 00:34:33,630 putting that book out such as these boot 821 00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:35,880 camps such as doing many more podcast 822 00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:38,040 interviews and getting the word out 823 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,929 about you inner critic and how we all 824 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:43,110 have the common fears and all have that 825 00:34:39,929 --> 00:34:45,149 internal negative dialog to separate 826 00:34:43,110 --> 00:34:47,550 ourselves from it because one one big 827 00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:49,140 part of the solution is to notice it and 828 00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:52,080 then to distinguish it so that there's 829 00:34:49,140 --> 00:34:54,960 space between you and that negative 830 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:57,330 internal dialogue and within that space 831 00:34:54,960 --> 00:35:01,620 then you can choose right I feel like 832 00:34:57,330 --> 00:35:04,560 this is a fundamental skill that is not 833 00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:07,260 taught in schools it's a fundamental 834 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:09,450 skill that's not taught in many families 835 00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:12,030 I certainly did not learn it from my 836 00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:13,860 parents and it was a skill that I had to 837 00:35:12,030 --> 00:35:15,830 learn it because I was dealing with 838 00:35:13,860 --> 00:35:19,560 these difficulties in everyday life 839 00:35:15,830 --> 00:35:20,970 which I needed to have tools to be able 840 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,890 to deal with it and move forward and 841 00:35:20,970 --> 00:35:25,320 contribute to the world what I need what 842 00:35:22,890 --> 00:35:27,780 I'm here to contribute and I feel like 843 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:30,720 it's a right for everyone to know how to 844 00:35:27,780 --> 00:35:32,910 do this for themselves oh and I feel 845 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:33,500 very strongly that I was put on this 846 00:35:32,910 --> 00:35:36,920 planet 847 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:39,440 to help contribute in that way to teach 848 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,660 and to educate people on how to empower 849 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,760 themselves so this public speaking 850 00:35:41,660 --> 00:35:46,010 component is a huge part of that going 851 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:48,920 forward for example I'm working on my 852 00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:51,410 third book which is just a way of how do 853 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:53,900 I mean writing and speaking these are 854 00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:56,510 just mediums right mediums for what a 855 00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:58,190 mediums to communicate a message so the 856 00:35:56,510 --> 00:36:00,740 what and what is the message right the 857 00:35:58,190 --> 00:36:02,300 message is and what I'm working on now 858 00:36:00,740 --> 00:36:05,320 in creating and putting out into the 859 00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:08,630 world on a larger scale is how to 860 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:10,940 process your own emotions so that you 861 00:36:08,630 --> 00:36:12,410 can process them in an empowering way 862 00:36:10,940 --> 00:36:14,840 and in a healthy way 863 00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:17,090 that brings you out to bring whatever 864 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:19,820 your gifts are into the world in a 865 00:36:17,090 --> 00:36:22,670 bigger way and I feel like this is my 866 00:36:19,820 --> 00:36:24,170 passion it's my calling even though it 867 00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:29,060 sounds really glamorous right all it's 868 00:36:24,170 --> 00:36:33,830 my calling it really is in some ways 869 00:36:29,060 --> 00:36:35,450 it's almost a burden right because it's 870 00:36:33,830 --> 00:36:37,070 great when the motivation sounds like 871 00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:38,810 yeah I'm totally gonna bring this out 872 00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:40,850 into the world yeah I'm totally gonna do 873 00:36:38,810 --> 00:36:42,620 that but then once the motivation leaves 874 00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:44,390 as it always does because it comes in 875 00:36:42,620 --> 00:36:46,790 ways when you're at the bottom of that 876 00:36:44,390 --> 00:36:49,250 motivation curve now now it appears like 877 00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:51,050 now I've got to do this thing right I 878 00:36:49,250 --> 00:36:53,840 can't go back to those internal 879 00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:54,860 resistance voices so noticing that and 880 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,980 still bringing it out into the world 881 00:36:54,860 --> 00:37:01,010 because I'm so clear for myself it's an 882 00:36:57,980 --> 00:37:02,180 inner internal intuitive knowing that 883 00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:05,030 this is what I'm meant to do right now 884 00:37:02,180 --> 00:37:07,010 and bringing that out into the world is 885 00:37:05,030 --> 00:37:08,600 what keeps me going because you know I 886 00:37:07,010 --> 00:37:12,170 look at my clients I look at the people 887 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:13,910 that I work with that takes what I teach 888 00:37:12,170 --> 00:37:15,910 them takes the processes that I teach 889 00:37:13,910 --> 00:37:20,330 them that I guide them through and 890 00:37:15,910 --> 00:37:21,950 totally owning it and totally embracing 891 00:37:20,330 --> 00:37:23,930 it as their own and then seeing the 892 00:37:21,950 --> 00:37:26,540 results that they produce in their world 893 00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:28,730 in this era life that's what keeps me 894 00:37:26,540 --> 00:37:31,190 going because ultimately it's not about 895 00:37:28,730 --> 00:37:32,810 me I'm just a medium through which this 896 00:37:31,190 --> 00:37:34,280 message is coming through and when I can 897 00:37:32,810 --> 00:37:36,380 see the results that my client has 898 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,730 produced for themselves that's what 899 00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:39,710 makes it rewarding for me that's that 900 00:37:37,730 --> 00:37:43,520 that's what keeps me going and motivated 901 00:37:39,710 --> 00:37:46,070 it's really important to be able to see 902 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,680 the changes that you're capable of 903 00:37:46,070 --> 00:37:49,350 created 904 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:52,980 in others in order to keep that momentum 905 00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:56,220 going but having the ability to reframe 906 00:37:52,980 --> 00:37:58,980 and deal with the personal internal 907 00:37:56,220 --> 00:38:00,780 dialogue and those pieces for yourself 908 00:37:58,980 --> 00:38:02,220 from watching those changes occur for 909 00:38:00,780 --> 00:38:04,740 others I think it's something that 910 00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:07,140 probably really does help you in terms 911 00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:09,390 of that momentum and moving forward the 912 00:38:07,140 --> 00:38:11,460 ability to witness those change if you 913 00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:14,790 could wave this magic wand and rid 914 00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:16,740 everyone of their inner critic what do 915 00:38:14,790 --> 00:38:19,880 you think the impact would be for the 916 00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:23,670 public speaking industry as a whole 917 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:26,790 hmm great I feel like there are so many 918 00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:30,150 gifts that that we have like yourself as 919 00:38:26,790 --> 00:38:32,280 well as the listeners and many people 920 00:38:30,150 --> 00:38:33,690 even know what those potential gifts are 921 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,450 that they have to offer to the world and 922 00:38:33,690 --> 00:38:38,700 then to bring that out into the physical 923 00:38:36,450 --> 00:38:40,590 world and manifesting that you know in 924 00:38:38,700 --> 00:38:42,810 ways that other people can use or in in 925 00:38:40,590 --> 00:38:45,150 ways that that contribute value to the 926 00:38:42,810 --> 00:38:47,910 to the community to the world to people 927 00:38:45,150 --> 00:38:50,250 outside of themselves whatever those 928 00:38:47,910 --> 00:38:53,100 gifts are then those are just going to 929 00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:56,130 be manifested I had this someone mentor 930 00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:57,240 that used to say the you know I'm gonna 931 00:38:56,130 --> 00:38:58,620 paraphrase because I don't remember the 932 00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:00,210 exact phrase but it's something along 933 00:38:58,620 --> 00:39:02,160 the lines of you know what is the 934 00:39:00,210 --> 00:39:04,260 richest place in the world you know is 935 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,510 it the the mines in Africa you know 936 00:39:04,260 --> 00:39:08,790 dying where the diamonds are no is it 937 00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:13,110 where the gold is no the richest place 938 00:39:08,790 --> 00:39:15,380 in the world is cemeteries and and and 939 00:39:13,110 --> 00:39:20,220 the reason he mentioned that is because 940 00:39:15,380 --> 00:39:23,670 he says how many books were not written 941 00:39:20,220 --> 00:39:25,890 how many songs were not composed how 942 00:39:23,670 --> 00:39:29,370 many businesses that could provide value 943 00:39:25,890 --> 00:39:31,020 were never created because the people 944 00:39:29,370 --> 00:39:32,190 were in their own way and you know how 945 00:39:31,020 --> 00:39:33,810 to get out of their way and so those 946 00:39:32,190 --> 00:39:36,480 books were not written that song was not 947 00:39:33,810 --> 00:39:38,580 written so all of the resources all of 948 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,170 the things that we could that we could 949 00:39:38,580 --> 00:39:43,500 as individuals bring out into the world 950 00:39:40,170 --> 00:39:45,330 did not get put out simply because we we 951 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:47,250 either didn't know how to get our own 952 00:39:45,330 --> 00:39:49,260 ways or that inner critic was so 953 00:39:47,250 --> 00:39:51,300 prominent we didn't have processes to 954 00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:52,380 get around it and so it wasn't your 955 00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:55,890 gifts weren't shared with the world 956 00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:57,510 right and so with that magic wand if 957 00:39:55,890 --> 00:39:59,790 everybody could just get rid of the 958 00:39:57,510 --> 00:40:01,890 inner critic and and or at least 959 00:39:59,790 --> 00:40:04,260 how to get around that said it doesn't 960 00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:07,320 stop them anymore the world would look 961 00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:10,350 like a very very different place I was 962 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:12,360 reading recently and that I forget the 963 00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:15,510 exact percentage but it was a very very 964 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:17,820 high percentage of how many people who 965 00:40:15,510 --> 00:40:19,860 are employees in the corporate world are 966 00:40:17,820 --> 00:40:21,540 dissatisfied and disengaged with their 967 00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:22,830 own jobs they're there for the Paycheck 968 00:40:21,540 --> 00:40:24,660 they're there just for that you know to 969 00:40:22,830 --> 00:40:27,300 make a living and they're not living 970 00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:29,520 their dreams whether the dream is a 971 00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:31,380 business or not right the inner critic 972 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:36,240 will get in the way of you manifesting 973 00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:37,830 that so I think that by having by by not 974 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:41,370 allowing the inner critic to get in the 975 00:40:37,830 --> 00:40:43,860 way will then give you the space to be 976 00:40:41,370 --> 00:40:45,870 able to pursue those things that you 977 00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:47,640 feel are important in the world and you 978 00:40:45,870 --> 00:40:49,170 feel that that make you happy 979 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:54,650 you know the things that bring you joy 980 00:40:49,170 --> 00:40:58,380 that bring you bliss and if you can now 981 00:40:54,650 --> 00:41:00,600 transmogrify that or or project that out 982 00:40:58,380 --> 00:41:02,010 into the future if everybody was to be 983 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,710 able to do that what a different world 984 00:41:02,010 --> 00:41:07,260 it would be I thought it was just to 985 00:41:04,710 --> 00:41:09,770 bring it back as you were paraphrasing 986 00:41:07,260 --> 00:41:14,040 the richest place in the world and and 987 00:41:09,770 --> 00:41:16,380 how much value has been missed I think 988 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:18,860 it's it's definitely something that 989 00:41:16,380 --> 00:41:21,750 everyone be it's someone who is 990 00:41:18,860 --> 00:41:24,780 interested in an entrepreneurial journey 991 00:41:21,750 --> 00:41:26,610 for those of you who were just listening 992 00:41:24,780 --> 00:41:28,410 because you're just interested in the 993 00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:30,300 show you're not interested in an 994 00:41:28,410 --> 00:41:31,710 entrepreneurial journey but you're 995 00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:34,410 thinking about moving forward with 996 00:41:31,710 --> 00:41:36,930 something else in life the inner critic 997 00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:38,700 is something that comes up for all of us 998 00:41:36,930 --> 00:41:41,070 no matter what kind of a journey were on 999 00:41:38,700 --> 00:41:43,950 the it entrepreneurial or not I can only 1000 00:41:41,070 --> 00:41:46,620 imagine what it would be like if so Mary 1001 00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:48,840 you've been absolutely wonderful I love 1002 00:41:46,620 --> 00:41:51,240 having you on the show I love chatting 1003 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:53,640 with you please share the best way for 1004 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:55,860 our listeners to find you thank you so 1005 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:57,420 much I enjoy being on the show it's such 1006 00:41:55,860 --> 00:41:59,010 a pleasure to the phone sometimes I 1007 00:41:57,420 --> 00:42:00,840 forget there might even be listeners 1008 00:41:59,010 --> 00:42:03,060 because it's like it's a conversation 1009 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:05,010 between you and I which is a testament 1010 00:42:03,060 --> 00:42:07,380 to what a good host you are so I want to 1011 00:42:05,010 --> 00:42:08,400 knowledge you as well thank you thank 1012 00:42:07,380 --> 00:42:12,500 you thank you 1013 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,500 so my website is 1014 00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:20,370 I'm calm magnetic podium is one word and 1015 00:42:17,420 --> 00:42:22,950 one of the best ways to get in touch 1016 00:42:20,370 --> 00:42:25,800 with me I would suggest is when you go 1017 00:42:22,950 --> 00:42:28,050 to my website magnetic podium calm in 1018 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:31,020 the upper right hand corner the menu if 1019 00:42:28,050 --> 00:42:32,580 you hover over contact there's a contact 1020 00:42:31,020 --> 00:42:34,950 form which you could fill out in text or 1021 00:42:32,580 --> 00:42:37,680 you can click on schedule a call with 1022 00:42:34,950 --> 00:42:39,330 Mary and then you can schedule a 1023 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:41,520 complimentary short call fifteen to 1024 00:42:39,330 --> 00:42:43,260 thirty minute call to see if there is a 1025 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,850 way that I can help you I would love to 1026 00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:46,740 learn about you know what your 1027 00:42:44,850 --> 00:42:49,320 challenges are what your goals are 1028 00:42:46,740 --> 00:42:53,130 whether it's around public speaking or 1029 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:54,330 just getting more clarity in general you 1030 00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:56,160 know some of the things we spoke about 1031 00:42:54,330 --> 00:42:57,750 on the podcast if it resonates with you 1032 00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,180 I would love to see if there's any way 1033 00:42:57,750 --> 00:43:03,570 that I can help you we will be sure to 1034 00:43:00,180 --> 00:43:06,510 link to magnetic podium comm and we will 1035 00:43:03,570 --> 00:43:10,170 be sure to link to the specific page to 1036 00:43:06,510 --> 00:43:11,880 sign up for the book so that if you in 1037 00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:14,430 fact didn't get a chance to check that 1038 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:16,770 link out during the last episode we will 1039 00:43:14,430 --> 00:43:19,560 be sure that that link is there present 1040 00:43:16,770 --> 00:43:23,280 yourself in public speaking and also a 1041 00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:25,320 link to contact you know a link to the 1042 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,510 direct contact page to contact you so 1043 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:29,310 get in touch if you're interested in the 1044 00:43:27,510 --> 00:43:32,250 boot camp that is coming up December 1045 00:43:29,310 --> 00:43:35,760 ninth and tenth Saturday and Sunday I 1046 00:43:32,250 --> 00:43:38,220 will be there with Mary for this boot 1047 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:40,740 camp so we look forward to seeing all of 1048 00:43:38,220 --> 00:43:42,780 you there Mary thank you again and I 1049 00:43:40,740 --> 00:43:44,310 look forward to hanging up soon thanks 1050 00:43:42,780 --> 00:43:45,960 Laurie I'm so excited to see you in 1051 00:43:44,310 --> 00:43:48,000 December as well thanks for having me 1052 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:49,740 Mary thank you once again for joining us 1053 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,990 this week I am super excited about 1054 00:43:49,740 --> 00:43:53,640 joining you for your two-day present 1055 00:43:51,990 --> 00:43:55,740 yourself in public speaking boot camp 1056 00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,300 this weekend techie community thank you 1057 00:43:55,740 --> 00:43:59,820 guys for hanging out with us for this 1058 00:43:57,300 --> 00:44:02,070 episode and be sure to join Mary Ann I 1059 00:43:59,820 --> 00:44:04,530 live in Bluebird Mass for her to Day 1060 00:44:02,070 --> 00:44:04,980 present yourself in public speaking boot 1061 00:44:04,530 --> 00:44:07,200 camp 1062 00:44:04,980 --> 00:44:08,700 December 9th and 10th I've included a 1063 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:11,220 link in the show notes page for easy 1064 00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:14,370 access you can reach out to Mary via her 1065 00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:15,960 website at magnetic podium comm you can 1066 00:44:14,370 --> 00:44:17,570 also register and reach out to Mary 1067 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:21,270 through our show notes page at 1068 00:44:17,570 --> 00:44:23,760 technology - quality comm forward slash 1069 00:44:21,270 --> 00:44:25,570 your talents thank you once again for 1070 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:28,750 joining us for this episode number 1071 00:44:25,570 --> 00:44:30,820 74 and until our next episode when we 1072 00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:35,400 continue to hear the journey find the 1073 00:44:30,820 --> 00:44:35,400 pain and create solutions enjoy the beat 1074 00:44:37,080 --> 00:45:03,890 [Music] 1075 00:45:01,990 --> 00:45:05,950 [Applause] 1076 00:45:03,890 --> 00:45:05,950 you
1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,720 and so if that ever comes up for you or 2 00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:05,339 if you're hearing it now and you can 3 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:08,069 relate to it and you go oh my god that 4 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:09,990 totally happened to me from Boston 5 00:00:08,069 --> 00:00:13,000 Massachusetts you're listening to the 6 00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:13,200 technology equals equality podcast 7 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,779 [Applause] 8 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:20,550 [Music] 9 00:00:17,779 --> 00:00:22,380 welcome back to the technology cause 10 00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:25,830 equality podcast I'm your host Lori 11 00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:28,260 Brooks and this is episode 74 I am very 12 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:32,219 pleased to welcome public speaker author 13 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:35,550 and coach Mary Sheen back to the show 14 00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:38,280 Mary originally joined us for episode 71 15 00:00:35,550 --> 00:00:41,040 to discuss the pink elephant in the room 16 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:44,489 the public speakers don't speak about 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:47,610 this week Mary is back to show you how 18 00:00:44,489 --> 00:00:50,460 you can begin silencing your inner 19 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:52,739 critic - Mary welcome back and thank you 20 00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,870 so much for joining us again today thank 21 00:00:52,739 --> 00:01:01,140 you Laurie I am so excited to be back on 22 00:00:54,870 --> 00:01:04,470 I have you back on you are a ginormous 23 00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:07,470 part of this journey of mine over here 24 00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:09,600 at this point Mary for my listeners sake 25 00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:11,310 if you didn't get that chance to check 26 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,830 out that episode as I mentioned a moment 27 00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:16,229 ago you should check it out as I have 28 00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:18,630 shared that I did have the opportunity 29 00:01:16,229 --> 00:01:20,700 to read Mary's book and I am super 30 00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:24,060 excited about my own public speaking 31 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:27,450 journey as I have just before we started 32 00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:31,950 recording this episode enrolled in 33 00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:34,710 Mary's upcoming boot camp in December so 34 00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:36,270 Mary I'd love for you to develop you 35 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:39,119 know a little bit more about the boot 36 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:41,009 camp as we kind of get into this episode 37 00:01:39,119 --> 00:01:43,409 a little bit further but what I'd like 38 00:01:41,009 --> 00:01:45,659 to kind of do is take it back to what we 39 00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:48,210 were touching base on as I was 40 00:01:45,659 --> 00:01:50,310 registering was kind of that fear that I 41 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:52,290 was dealing with taking that next step 42 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:54,689 in my own journey because I'm positive 43 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:56,729 that it's a fear and a feeling that a 44 00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:59,850 lot of entrepreneurs come across that 45 00:01:56,729 --> 00:02:01,590 hesitation of investing in themselves or 46 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:04,140 taking that next step on their journey 47 00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:06,840 or getting on a stage or hosting that 48 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:09,479 webinar there's that that pops up that 49 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:12,540 makes you hesitate so I was sharing with 50 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:13,230 you the reframe and and what I was 51 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:15,750 working on my 52 00:02:13,230 --> 00:02:19,230 so and I'm just curious what have you 53 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:21,120 found to be the most common fear that 54 00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:23,400 you've come across with clients 55 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:27,629 great question wonderful wonderful 56 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:31,739 question there are many different fears 57 00:02:27,629 --> 00:02:33,930 that we have when as human beings when 58 00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:35,150 we step outside our comfort zone okay I 59 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:37,410 think your listeners are probably 60 00:02:35,150 --> 00:02:40,440 like-minded like you and I said they 61 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:42,360 probably heard that by now but how I 62 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,459 want to break that down and unpack it 63 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:47,670 for people so that there's a more 64 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:50,599 nuanced understanding of how to combat 65 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:54,209 your own fears when they come up is 66 00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:57,480 always work on noticing what your 67 00:02:54,209 --> 00:03:01,319 internal dialogue is all right because 68 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:04,410 thoughts lead to emotion and how you 69 00:03:01,319 --> 00:03:08,010 feel so paying attention to how you feel 70 00:03:04,410 --> 00:03:11,069 when the fears come up and then asking 71 00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:14,310 yourself what is actually causing this 72 00:03:11,069 --> 00:03:17,459 fear right and so one of the most common 73 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:20,069 fears is to answer your question more 74 00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:23,459 directly is in terms of public speaking 75 00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:25,350 especially is I don't want to look 76 00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:27,690 stupid 77 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:29,880 or something around that genre that 78 00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:31,590 theme of stupidity right so I don't want 79 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,840 to feel stupid I don't want to look 80 00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:35,670 stupid I don't want to appear stupid and 81 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,829 that is one of the most common 82 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:41,819 underlying themes of why people avoid 83 00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:43,889 public speaking or when they do somehow 84 00:03:41,819 --> 00:03:46,440 have to do it or feel like they need to 85 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:48,239 do it that fear is there with them as 86 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:51,090 they open their mouths for the first 87 00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:53,220 time on the stage behind the scene so 88 00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:54,660 it's nothing like a consciously thinking 89 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:57,120 I don't want to look stupid anyone looks 90 00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:59,880 stupid it's a subconscious fear that's 91 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:02,940 lurking just behind it so that just 92 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:05,010 behind the the surface on the periphery 93 00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:06,840 and that's why there's this more obvious 94 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:09,750 fear around well I've got to be probe 95 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,889 eggs I hope I prepare enough I hope I 96 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,590 don't say anything that's gonna 97 00:04:10,889 --> 00:04:16,139 discredit myself and very closely 98 00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:18,359 related to that fear is the what I've 99 00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:20,190 noticed with the clients and people that 100 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,900 I work with and you know as you know 101 00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:26,400 you've read my book I talked about it at 102 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:27,470 length in my book is this fear of being 103 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:31,400 found out 104 00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:33,950 okay so what that means is the impostor 105 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,770 syndrome you may have heard of this many 106 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:40,040 people have not right but there's this 107 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:43,250 common concept out there called the 108 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:45,410 impostor syndrome and I can tell you and 109 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:47,360 so what that means is you know in a very 110 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:49,250 high level is whatever you're doing 111 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:52,520 whatever your the value you're providing 112 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:55,250 to the audience or however you show up 113 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:58,460 to help the audience there's a feeling 114 00:04:55,250 --> 00:05:01,460 in the background of I'm just faking it 115 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:03,680 I'm not really a you know X Y or Z 116 00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:06,350 whatever you're doing in life whoever 117 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:08,320 you are representing I'm not really that 118 00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:13,880 I'm not really an expert on this topic 119 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:17,060 and so that becomes a fear in itself of 120 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:19,210 being found out okay so first of all 121 00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:22,400 that is a very common thing that happens 122 00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:24,380 for people and so if that ever comes up 123 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,940 for you or if you're hearing it now and 124 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:28,400 you can relate to it and you go oh my 125 00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:30,190 god that totally happens to me then just 126 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:33,530 first of all know that it's normal that 127 00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:35,720 it comes up for many many people just 128 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:37,760 the fact that you're a human being and 129 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,470 the fact that you are stepping outside 130 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:42,710 your comfort zone and whatever that 131 00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:47,240 looks like for you that will come up or 132 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:49,610 that a similar fear will come up is the 133 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,410 fact that it's the new effect that you 134 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:54,860 are outside your comfort zone there's as 135 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:56,990 part of your brain that kicks in that 136 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:59,060 tries to keep you safe right that keep 137 00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:01,550 you safe don't go out the comfort zone 138 00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:03,560 you know this is perceived threat but 139 00:06:01,550 --> 00:06:07,220 something's going to happen to you so 140 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:10,370 this fear is not something that you want 141 00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:12,169 to suppress or wish that it wasn't there 142 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:15,140 or there's something wrong with you 143 00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:18,380 because the fear is there no the idea is 144 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:21,080 to notice it when it comes up and it's 145 00:06:18,380 --> 00:06:22,760 normal and then to proceed in the 146 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,410 direction that you choose because you 147 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:27,130 know you're growing and you know you 148 00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:29,540 want to take next step in this direction 149 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:31,580 whether it's contributing more or 150 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:32,870 stepping up your game whatever that 151 00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:34,340 looks like for you and in public 152 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,590 speaking it usually means speaking 153 00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:38,960 outside of your comfort zone so in other 154 00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:40,669 words if you were used to say speaking 155 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,150 in front of a group of you know five to 156 00:06:40,669 --> 00:06:43,520 ten P 157 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,500 Paul about a topic that you're very very 158 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,030 familiar with so your next level of 159 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:50,900 comfort zone might be speaking in front 160 00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:52,640 of 50 to 200 people in a new topic right 161 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:56,000 a topic that you want to contribute but 162 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:58,940 you haven't you're not very practiced in 163 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,320 giving that topic and so that isn't by 164 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:02,420 nature outside of the comfort zone 165 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:05,240 because there's something new right so 166 00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:06,950 anytime you endeavor in presenting 167 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,290 something new or stepping outside your 168 00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:11,120 comfort zone in any kind of sense 169 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:13,550 whether it's a new skill you're learning 170 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:16,610 or you're endeavoring to have your own 171 00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:18,320 business now for the first time you know 172 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:21,020 creating a new area of business you 173 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,490 haven't created before anything like 174 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:25,250 that that's outside your comfort zone 175 00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:28,040 the idea is notice when the fear comes 176 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:30,080 up and because you know for sure that's 177 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,910 the direction you want to travel you 178 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,460 want to notice that internal dialogue 179 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:37,160 and the fear and then moving forward 180 00:07:34,460 --> 00:07:39,920 despite of that fear that is the trick 181 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,480 my friend and that is worth if you can 182 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:45,260 do that and you can do that consistently 183 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:46,820 and internally coach yourself to not let 184 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,380 the fear stop you from taking the 185 00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:50,810 antigen that is the Holy Grail right 186 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:54,110 there definitely it's about making sure 187 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:57,650 that you take the actions whatever that 188 00:07:54,110 --> 00:08:00,020 that fear that hesitation is felt I tend 189 00:07:57,650 --> 00:08:01,220 to notice or recognizing myself that 190 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,720 there's something that I need to follow 191 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:04,430 through with there something that I need 192 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,320 to move forward with it's not 193 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:08,480 necessarily the easiest thing to go 194 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:11,480 about recognizing you're noticing do you 195 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:14,180 find that there are more female clients 196 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:17,210 versus male clients do you think that 197 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:20,350 there's a difference in the way females 198 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:25,130 versus males approach this sort of 199 00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:28,640 hesitation or the fear that's a great 200 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:31,220 question and I would I think it's both I 201 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:33,650 think there are commonalities and there 202 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:36,230 are slight differences as well the 203 00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:38,570 commonality being the baseline is 204 00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:40,250 whether you're male or female we have 205 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:44,330 one thing in common and that is that 206 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:47,690 were all humans right so as human beings 207 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:51,740 we definitely share the same mechanics 208 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:53,100 of how when we are endeavoring to do 209 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:56,069 something new learn something 210 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:59,370 and oh it's going to be those awkward 211 00:08:56,069 --> 00:09:01,110 moments at the beginning and you know 212 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:02,850 that that in itself is a commonality 213 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:04,709 between men and women now if I had to 214 00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:06,569 separate them and I talked a little bit 215 00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:07,889 about this in my book about the 216 00:09:06,569 --> 00:09:10,079 differences between men and women 217 00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:12,600 especially when it comes to dealing with 218 00:09:10,079 --> 00:09:14,699 public speaking is there are some 219 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:18,509 biological differences between men and 220 00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:21,420 women and the way the way I described it 221 00:09:18,509 --> 00:09:24,660 in the book is for men 222 00:09:21,420 --> 00:09:27,120 the primary chemistry I guess is 223 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:29,160 dominated by testosterone right there's 224 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,769 this dark side you know quote-unquote 225 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,970 dark side of testosterone is violence 226 00:09:31,769 --> 00:09:35,069 when there's too much of it there's 227 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:38,519 there happens to be the violence right 228 00:09:35,069 --> 00:09:42,870 for women were wired differently just by 229 00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:45,779 nature and that our predominant chemical 230 00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:48,870 is estrogen right the way women socially 231 00:09:45,779 --> 00:09:49,949 bond traditionally is through nurturing 232 00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:52,319 each other right 233 00:09:49,949 --> 00:09:54,990 the nature of nurturing each other and 234 00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:58,019 then the dark side quotient again the 235 00:09:54,990 --> 00:10:02,730 dark side of how females function is the 236 00:09:58,019 --> 00:10:05,459 the tendency to exclude okay so for 237 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:08,250 example and this is and you know this is 238 00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:10,889 not me me creating this it's very well 239 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:13,500 known this is the phenomenon that you 240 00:10:10,889 --> 00:10:15,120 would see in movies or in books like 241 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,949 this is a movie for except me and girls 242 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:21,180 and there's plenty other examples like 243 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:22,889 that and a book called queen bees and 244 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:25,800 wannabes right it's a very well known 245 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:27,750 phenomenon and and women as we grow up 246 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,490 well maybe when we get to between years 247 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:31,319 the teenagers were experience this in 248 00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:33,180 the peer pressure where it's the 249 00:10:31,319 --> 00:10:36,540 exclusion happens in the form of which 250 00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:38,670 is nice I'm not your friend right and so 251 00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:41,939 there's this exclusion that happens and 252 00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:48,380 so because we're wired that way there is 253 00:10:41,939 --> 00:10:52,949 this tendency for women to to have the 254 00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:56,009 predisposition to want to be like yeah 255 00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:58,259 and so what that means wanting to be 256 00:10:56,009 --> 00:11:00,620 liked the opposite of that is not 257 00:10:58,259 --> 00:11:03,980 wanting to be ousted 258 00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:06,329 not wanting to be rejected and I'm sure 259 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:08,549 Lori if you would ask any 260 00:11:06,329 --> 00:11:10,799 your female listeners they either have 261 00:11:08,549 --> 00:11:12,420 experienced it themselves somewhere 262 00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:13,799 along their growing up journey or they 263 00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:17,369 know of somebody close to them who's 264 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:21,149 experienced being ousted right and I 265 00:11:17,369 --> 00:11:22,980 myself have as well many times if I was 266 00:11:21,149 --> 00:11:26,249 showing this story with my one of my 267 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:29,309 friends in the fifth grade I was dumped 268 00:11:26,249 --> 00:11:30,839 by my best friend okay and that if 269 00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:33,959 you've ever experienced it it's not a 270 00:11:30,839 --> 00:11:38,759 pleasant feeling and so there is this 271 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:39,959 tendency now to unconsciously want to be 272 00:11:38,759 --> 00:11:42,029 liked right 273 00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:44,220 not wanting to be disliked and so the 274 00:11:42,029 --> 00:11:47,759 way it manifests in public speaking for 275 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:50,730 example is being consciously aware that 276 00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:53,100 you're not there on the stage to be 277 00:11:50,730 --> 00:11:55,350 liked I mean it's my preference to be 278 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,420 liked and I'm you know it's great if you 279 00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:59,129 in during my audience and whatever I say 280 00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:01,619 resonates with you know oh I like her 281 00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:03,959 that's great that is my preference but 282 00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:06,329 the purpose my primary purpose is being 283 00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:08,489 in the stage is not for you to like me 284 00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:10,739 because I will say things that will 285 00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:12,869 probably wake you up in some way maybe 286 00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:15,389 even a little controversial maybe to you 287 00:12:12,869 --> 00:12:17,189 know trigger you deliberately so that I 288 00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:18,720 can wake you up to these insights or 289 00:12:17,189 --> 00:12:21,720 concepts that I'm trying to share with 290 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:24,059 you and so if my primary concern while 291 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,529 I'm the stage is to be light then that's 292 00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:28,290 going to hold my whole back my 293 00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:30,239 expression right and so you know and not 294 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,619 to say that men don't have that men as 295 00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:33,360 human beings also you know would like to 296 00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,819 be liked as well nobody I don't think 297 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:38,129 ever consciously just gets up that just 298 00:12:35,819 --> 00:12:40,769 not to be light but yeah that is a 299 00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:43,079 slight difference in the way we're wired 300 00:12:40,769 --> 00:12:46,019 as men and women and in my experience I 301 00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:49,739 work with both men and women men also 302 00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:50,759 have a similar and I want to emphasize 303 00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:54,269 this point because I think it's 304 00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:57,540 important also have the as human beings 305 00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:59,699 the fear of being rejected as well even 306 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:02,189 if it's more unconscious than 307 00:12:59,699 --> 00:13:05,160 subconscious and then the women however 308 00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:06,600 they're not as what I've noticed in the 309 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:11,730 people that I work with they're not 310 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:14,759 necessarily as open about sharing those 311 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:16,799 fears right but once it's put on the 312 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:19,170 table once it's out there in the open 313 00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:21,630 then you say oh yeah I have that 314 00:13:19,170 --> 00:13:24,690 - and yes I have that - so I think it's 315 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:26,430 it is women are more susceptible to it 316 00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:30,800 but men are definitely not exempt from 317 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:34,500 it in fact probably equally subjected to 318 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:35,760 the the same phenomenon but not as we 319 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:39,720 stress about it 320 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:42,959 it's just that it's not as commonly 321 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:45,540 discussed or as commonly recognized - 322 00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:48,959 that perception that recognition of it 323 00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:51,120 may not be as available as it is to 324 00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:55,800 those who are looking or consciously 325 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:58,380 aware of their intent or interest in the 326 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:01,399 statement as you said you know the need 327 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:04,380 to be like right right yeah this is some 328 00:14:01,399 --> 00:14:06,959 perception I need to look up his name 329 00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:08,820 but there's this author a seeker who 330 00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:11,490 talks about this at length and I learned 331 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:15,480 from him through his experiences that 332 00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:17,870 the way men grow up is is more of a if 333 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,860 you were to share your feelings with 334 00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:22,230 somebody like in your in your male 335 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,699 bonding group then it there is a high 336 00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:26,550 chance that it could be perceived as a 337 00:14:23,699 --> 00:14:28,949 weakness you see and so that's why many 338 00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:32,040 men don't share and end up bottling it 339 00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:33,870 up and you know in many ways that's 340 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,430 that's it's going to manifest the quirks 341 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:37,769 are going to manifest differently right 342 00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:39,510 author about that that side of things - 343 00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:42,360 mint which I can't speak to you cuz I'm 344 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:45,180 not one well no that's wonderful what 345 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,490 we'll do is we will put a link to either 346 00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:50,130 his youtube channel or his website along 347 00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:52,589 with the info about the bootcamp on the 348 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:54,180 show next page for the listeners and and 349 00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:56,610 links so that they can check them out 350 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:59,459 thank you for sharing that I know fear 351 00:14:56,610 --> 00:15:02,550 was really big player during your 352 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:05,970 journey as an entrepreneur and becoming 353 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:08,519 a speaker but I'm curious about whether 354 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:12,180 or not you feel like fear was also the 355 00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:15,839 biggest player when launching your own 356 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:17,430 coaching firms so magnetic podium what 357 00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:19,260 do you feel was the difference between 358 00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:22,079 the two and what if there was a 359 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:25,769 difference that is a great question I 360 00:15:22,079 --> 00:15:28,800 think fear is a part of everyday life 361 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:30,269 and a fear is a part of the common limit 362 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,760 now Lee that we experience as human 363 00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:35,370 beings so it will be pervasive 364 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:38,130 you know whether it's whether it was me 365 00:15:35,370 --> 00:15:40,250 learning to be a better speaker or me 366 00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:43,260 launching my own business that 367 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:46,380 definitely is a commonality that that I 368 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:48,420 do have to get through in platoon to 369 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,770 continue launching the business and so 370 00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:51,810 it's a training and communications 371 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:55,050 company with a coaching side of it as 372 00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:57,000 well one-on-one coaching and how I now 373 00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:59,250 describe it is its transformation or 374 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:04,980 public speaking so in other words it's 375 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:07,800 not necessarily addressing its core 376 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:09,270 purpose is not to address the just the 377 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,770 mechanics of speaking because I started 378 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:13,320 to notice that in the public speaking 379 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:15,150 training education world out there and I 380 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,520 myself through my journey have taken 381 00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:21,120 many many many public speaking courses 382 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:24,360 and training courses and the gap that I 383 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:27,180 perceived when I started teaching public 384 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:30,320 speaking back in 2009 it became very 385 00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:32,400 obvious to me that people's number one 386 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,440 obstacle that got in their way of 387 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,450 becoming the best most self-express 388 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:38,940 speaker that they can be what held them 389 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:40,890 back wasn't the mechanics which is what 390 00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:43,110 was being taught so what I mean by 391 00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:45,030 mechanics is things like how do you 392 00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:47,580 stand how do you use your voice how do 393 00:16:45,030 --> 00:16:49,380 you structure a speech how do you what 394 00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:51,870 is the message all of that is important 395 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:53,820 but was what was not being addressed was 396 00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:57,150 pink elephant in the room so to speak 397 00:16:53,820 --> 00:17:01,560 which is the inner critic yourself right 398 00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:03,870 so when you went so when I was creating 399 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,640 courses and writing my book about the 400 00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:07,680 whole process of what I teach you how to 401 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:12,570 conquer your own inner critic it became 402 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:15,140 very readily apparent to me that if I'm 403 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:18,660 not myself constantly and consistently 404 00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:21,690 working on my own inner critic and and 405 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:24,420 being able to identify it when it comes 406 00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:27,959 up in proceeding despite of it then I 407 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:30,360 have no credibility teaching it okay so 408 00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:32,150 as I was launching my company around 409 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:34,440 this concept and around what I teach 410 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:36,510 there is also something that I was 411 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:39,420 watching right what is my own inner 412 00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:41,610 critic saying right now as I am 413 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:42,990 endeavoring to launch this business as 414 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:45,210 I'm you know building out the next 415 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:47,169 components of my business and even in 416 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:49,510 writing the book 417 00:17:47,169 --> 00:17:51,220 this all came up so it's fascinating 418 00:17:49,510 --> 00:17:55,059 that you asked this question because the 419 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:58,120 fear that doesn't always come manifest 420 00:17:55,059 --> 00:18:00,100 itself as APU right right it's funny a 421 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:02,740 lot of the times actually it doesn't 422 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:04,899 manifest as an obvious like you're not 423 00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:07,600 literally sitting there going I'm scared 424 00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:10,269 right now right don't manifest that way 425 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:13,929 how how it's sometimes and often does 426 00:18:10,269 --> 00:18:17,440 manifest is notice there's this internal 427 00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:19,539 resistance that happens right Steven 428 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:23,409 Pressfield who's a very well-known 429 00:18:19,539 --> 00:18:25,960 author he talks about this as well and 430 00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:27,940 then and it's the equal and opposite 431 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,639 it's almost like there's two opposing 432 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:33,340 forces that's happening within us so one 433 00:18:30,639 --> 00:18:35,080 is we want to survive right as human 434 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:37,570 beings obviously we don't die we want to 435 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,320 survive so that's one force and then the 436 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:43,000 opposite force is we also want to grow I 437 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:45,429 want to grow as human beings we want to 438 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,110 evolve as human beings and what does 439 00:18:45,429 --> 00:18:49,690 that mean that means we have to step 440 00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:52,090 outside our comfort zone so these two 441 00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:54,159 equal and opposite forces are happening 442 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,510 at the same time so I want to grow yeah 443 00:18:54,159 --> 00:18:56,860 I want to grow and then you step outside 444 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:59,260 your comfort zone you're like oh no I 445 00:18:56,860 --> 00:19:01,450 need to survive I need to get back into 446 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:04,269 my comfort zone so these two opposite 447 00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:06,940 forces are always working against each 448 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:09,190 other and it's not a good thing it's not 449 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:12,490 a bad thing it's a neutral thing to 450 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:14,529 notice and understand within our souls 451 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:17,200 because how it manifests on a daily 452 00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:18,789 basis is for example if you are let's 453 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,230 say building out a new component to your 454 00:19:18,789 --> 00:19:21,639 business you've never done it before or 455 00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:22,870 you're working on a new speech a new 456 00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:26,289 presentation that you've never given 457 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:28,929 before and how it comes across inside 458 00:19:26,289 --> 00:19:30,399 how did a dialogue if you were to notice 459 00:19:28,929 --> 00:19:33,639 within yourself might be something like 460 00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:35,710 oh I really don't want to do this right 461 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:38,350 now and it reveal I'd are such a hard 462 00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:41,049 work I'm never gonna get this finished 463 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:44,620 right so that in itself is putting 464 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:46,929 dialogue into what that feeling is right 465 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:49,240 that feeling is always hard and I'm 466 00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:51,549 gonna do it now I don't feel like it I'm 467 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,860 sure all of your listeners can relate to 468 00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:57,639 that and you're like oh that feeling of 469 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:58,880 hardwood that pushed that that that the 470 00:19:57,639 --> 00:20:01,760 the 471 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:05,030 distance of you know getting into motion 472 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:07,220 you got to really set yourself on this 473 00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:09,650 path of paths in your own universe 474 00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:13,070 aright like divine path the initial 475 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:15,740 inertia yes having that asset of minds 476 00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:18,050 that have in that and momentum why I'm 477 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:21,970 saying that in relation to your question 478 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:25,220 is to the few doesn't always necessarily 479 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:27,470 come across as recognizable scariness 480 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:30,170 it's a lot of the time its internal 481 00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:32,720 resistance right so yeah absolutely in 482 00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:36,950 everything I do when it's new whether it 483 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:41,000 was creating my business or or launching 484 00:20:36,950 --> 00:20:44,240 a new pod business that comes up that 485 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:46,490 that internal resistance comes up and so 486 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:49,250 yeah absolutely knowing using the same 487 00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:53,270 processes that I teach my clients to get 488 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:54,710 over those internal resistance is you 489 00:20:53,270 --> 00:20:57,370 know what I'm about and what I love to 490 00:20:54,710 --> 00:21:03,800 share with people because they work 491 00:20:57,370 --> 00:21:06,770 we're not doing them they would no I 492 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,770 agree they do work you know once you 493 00:21:06,770 --> 00:21:11,900 address it take that recognition of it 494 00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:16,000 and then address it in some way shape or 495 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:19,040 form you will see differences you know 496 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:20,900 mindset is one of the largest hurdles 497 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:23,240 that most people tend to face during 498 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:24,950 their journey I'm curious whether or not 499 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:28,670 you find there to be some sort of 500 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:31,670 recurring language or specific phrases 501 00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:33,170 that people tend to use when you're 502 00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:35,210 working with clients so in other words 503 00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:37,100 throughout your client base do you find 504 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:39,710 that there's a resounding fear that 505 00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:41,450 everyone tends to have Lori that's a 506 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:42,950 great question and here's how I'm going 507 00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:45,050 to answer that I'll give you an example 508 00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:47,810 I think there's a really good way of 509 00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:52,490 illustrating it when I was writing my 510 00:21:47,810 --> 00:21:54,350 book all right and it's a process to 511 00:21:52,490 --> 00:21:57,110 write a book and anyone who's written in 512 00:21:54,350 --> 00:22:00,800 their book will know this it takes a lot 513 00:21:57,110 --> 00:22:02,750 of discipline to be able to finish the 514 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,580 book right it's one thing I think the 515 00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:07,190 statistic is I forget the exact number 516 00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:08,630 but it's really high number it's like 90 517 00:22:07,190 --> 00:22:09,920 something percent of people want to 518 00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:11,360 write a book or one day would love to 519 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,809 write a book but yet the percentage of 520 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:15,600 people that actually do and publish 521 00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:18,980 the book is very small and I believe 522 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:21,779 it's it's due to this phenomenon isn't 523 00:22:18,980 --> 00:22:23,999 having the tools to deal with your own 524 00:22:21,779 --> 00:22:25,320 internal resistance around doing 525 00:22:23,999 --> 00:22:28,169 something and following through with 526 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:30,450 something so how I do that during the 527 00:22:28,169 --> 00:22:32,580 book writing process and I think this is 528 00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:34,499 a process that anyone can take to use 529 00:22:32,580 --> 00:22:36,809 around anything whether it's writing a 530 00:22:34,499 --> 00:22:42,769 book or learning something new is to 531 00:22:36,809 --> 00:22:45,480 have what I call a practice around 532 00:22:42,769 --> 00:22:47,249 debunking firstly noticing what the 533 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:49,919 little voices are that's coming up the 534 00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:51,840 internal resistant voices and then a way 535 00:22:49,919 --> 00:22:53,669 to get you out of it to take action 536 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,649 anymore because it sounds like very 537 00:22:53,669 --> 00:22:58,830 theoretical right so here's how I 538 00:22:55,649 --> 00:23:01,409 implement it on a practical basis all 539 00:22:58,830 --> 00:23:03,450 right take any piece of paper or even a 540 00:23:01,409 --> 00:23:06,269 word document which is what I use during 541 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:09,149 my writing process as a very specific 542 00:23:06,269 --> 00:23:12,330 example I would make myself sit there 543 00:23:09,149 --> 00:23:14,580 every single weekday morning between you 544 00:23:12,330 --> 00:23:17,190 know it's like 6:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. 545 00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:19,350 I'm gonna spend one hour writing part of 546 00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:23,700 this book all right and so I would sit 547 00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:26,669 there and start noticing those internal 548 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:29,100 resistant voices that come up and each 549 00:23:26,669 --> 00:23:31,080 one that came up I would literally go to 550 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:33,450 my word document and type it out in 551 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,999 bullet points I won't get this done on 552 00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:38,580 time there's so much writing I'm never 553 00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:41,279 gonna finish it there's a long way to go 554 00:23:38,580 --> 00:23:43,860 right I won't be able to do it like 555 00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:46,619 whatever it is I didn't make them wrong 556 00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:48,539 I allow them to come up and all I did 557 00:23:46,619 --> 00:23:49,919 was document them and just by the type 558 00:23:48,539 --> 00:23:51,869 type type site okay that's what's there 559 00:23:49,919 --> 00:23:54,179 right now tak tak tak tak so in the 560 00:23:51,869 --> 00:23:57,119 middle of the word document I would draw 561 00:23:54,179 --> 00:23:59,220 a line on the other side of the document 562 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:02,460 next the bullet points that I had just 563 00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:04,499 listed it would be what would my best 564 00:24:02,460 --> 00:24:06,330 friend say to me what are the empowering 565 00:24:04,499 --> 00:24:09,090 voices that my best friend would say to 566 00:24:06,330 --> 00:24:10,559 me if I went to her with this concern so 567 00:24:09,090 --> 00:24:12,299 for example I want to get it done on 568 00:24:10,559 --> 00:24:14,369 time there's not another so much writing 569 00:24:12,299 --> 00:24:15,929 I'll never finish it if I took this 570 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:17,970 concern to my best friend she would say 571 00:24:15,929 --> 00:24:20,690 and I literally wrote this down in 572 00:24:17,970 --> 00:24:23,220 bullet points you're making progress 573 00:24:20,690 --> 00:24:25,529 rome wasn't built in a day 574 00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:26,640 anything worth writing is worth spending 575 00:24:25,529 --> 00:24:30,600 time on 576 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:32,820 focus on baby steps moving forward and 577 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:36,059 then once I got all that out I was like 578 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:38,760 oh my lip my state of mind literally 579 00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:40,980 shifted from I can't do this I can't do 580 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,900 it oh yeah you're absolutely right yeah 581 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:46,280 that's so true and then I would switch 582 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:46,280 back to the other page and start writing 583 00:24:47,990 --> 00:24:53,820 yeah so that is a very simple simple 584 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:57,420 methodology that you you your list you 585 00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:59,730 and your listeners can use to get 586 00:24:57,420 --> 00:25:03,030 yourself out of that loop that little 587 00:24:59,730 --> 00:25:05,690 loop that that tends to we sit in like a 588 00:25:03,030 --> 00:25:08,970 little cul-de-sac that we're sit in and 589 00:25:05,690 --> 00:25:10,919 stew in and not be able to take action 590 00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:13,110 you say with what I'm saying it's it's 591 00:25:10,919 --> 00:25:16,799 just very it's a very practical way of 592 00:25:13,110 --> 00:25:18,600 doing it and so what I ended up doing at 593 00:25:16,799 --> 00:25:19,980 the end of it let's see how long did it 594 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,600 take me to write the book until it was 595 00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:23,070 ready for editing probably six months 596 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,530 right approximately six months until I 597 00:25:23,070 --> 00:25:27,000 finished the first draft of the book or 598 00:25:25,530 --> 00:25:29,490 until it was ready for a professional 599 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:32,010 editor to look at right and so during 600 00:25:29,490 --> 00:25:34,590 the six months as you can imagine that 601 00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:36,360 word document of the little voice 602 00:25:34,590 --> 00:25:38,400 internal resistance voice versus the 603 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:42,840 best friend voice that document became 604 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:44,940 very very long long right and because 605 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,440 even if the same voice came up from 606 00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:47,970 yesterday from the day before I didn't 607 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,620 care I didn't look at it and go oh it's 608 00:25:47,970 --> 00:25:52,230 a duplicate voice ocean write it down no 609 00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:54,330 I wrote it down anyway but at the end of 610 00:25:52,230 --> 00:25:56,190 that six month process right this is 611 00:25:54,330 --> 00:25:59,400 where my nerdiness comes across because 612 00:25:56,190 --> 00:26:03,000 I'm constantly trying to figure out 613 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:05,490 tools and processes of how I can get 614 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,260 over my own conquer my own internal 615 00:26:05,490 --> 00:26:09,360 resistance so that I can create what I 616 00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:12,419 need to contribute into the world and I 617 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:15,510 know that I am the biggest hurdle in my 618 00:26:12,419 --> 00:26:17,040 own biggest barrier of what I can 619 00:26:15,510 --> 00:26:19,080 produce like the ideas that I have 620 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:22,080 versus an being manifested physically 621 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:25,309 out into the world these barrier and so 622 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:27,870 I am the person to figure out how to 623 00:26:25,309 --> 00:26:30,360 conquer my own inner resistance when it 624 00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:32,460 comes up so this long long long word 625 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:34,230 document that ended up having as a 626 00:26:32,460 --> 00:26:35,880 result of writing down my little voices 627 00:26:34,230 --> 00:26:38,700 and bestfriends voices every single day 628 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:40,210 of my writing I talked I went through it 629 00:26:38,700 --> 00:26:43,090 meticulously 630 00:26:40,210 --> 00:26:43,840 and categorized all of the little voices 631 00:26:43,090 --> 00:26:47,020 okay 632 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:50,890 and then here's what I found I found one 633 00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:53,740 two three four five categories the five 634 00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:56,890 categories then I noticed the inner 635 00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:58,960 critic voices came were in the form of 636 00:26:56,890 --> 00:27:01,690 and if like if I had to put them under 637 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:04,300 umbrellas they would be grouped this way 638 00:27:01,690 --> 00:27:08,650 the first category out of the five is 639 00:27:04,300 --> 00:27:10,510 overwhelm you feel very overwhelmed so 640 00:27:08,650 --> 00:27:13,150 the example to answer your question the 641 00:27:10,510 --> 00:27:16,300 example common little voices that would 642 00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:18,700 come up as a part of feeling overwhelmed 643 00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:20,860 is I don't want I won't get this done on 644 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:22,480 time there's so much to do what are you 645 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:23,650 but I'm finisher there's such a long way 646 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,080 to go I'll never finish it 647 00:27:23,650 --> 00:27:28,780 so that's overwhelm it never got this 648 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:31,380 done right that's overwhelm the second 649 00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:34,170 category is it's too hard it's too 650 00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:36,760 difficult the challenge is too great so 651 00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:39,040 the how it manifests is the little voice 652 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:41,320 saying the internal dialogue saying I 653 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,910 won't be able to do it I can't do it I 654 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,960 don't know how I just can't it's too 655 00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:46,030 hard right 656 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:48,970 that's the second category the third 657 00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:54,910 category is that the internal dialogue 658 00:27:48,970 --> 00:27:57,490 attacks your own credibility okay so as 659 00:27:54,910 --> 00:28:00,100 an example the the internal dialogue 660 00:27:57,490 --> 00:28:03,010 might sound like this oh my god what if 661 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:05,620 I say this is all BS Oh what I'm saying 662 00:28:03,010 --> 00:28:06,790 is BS this is so good enough my writing 663 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:07,720 is not good enough or whatever it is 664 00:28:06,790 --> 00:28:09,160 you're working on it's not good enough 665 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,720 this is BS and no one's ever gonna pay 666 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,550 attention to this what value do I have 667 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:15,460 to bring to the world this is this is 668 00:28:12,550 --> 00:28:17,170 nonsense right so noticing that that's 669 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:20,830 third category if it's attacking your 670 00:28:17,170 --> 00:28:22,330 own credibility okay and again I would 671 00:28:20,830 --> 00:28:23,830 like to ask you and your listeners to 672 00:28:22,330 --> 00:28:26,710 see if you can relate to this and I'm 673 00:28:23,830 --> 00:28:29,680 pretty sure you can the fourth category 674 00:28:26,710 --> 00:28:32,620 is the resistance to the work itself 675 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:36,490 okay so what that would sound like an 676 00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:38,320 internal dialogue would be good and I 677 00:28:36,490 --> 00:28:40,600 feel like doing the work right now I 678 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,940 didn't really feel like it do I have to 679 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:45,430 do it I just want to go out and have fun 680 00:28:42,940 --> 00:28:46,930 I just want to watch TV I just want to 681 00:28:45,430 --> 00:28:48,520 have chocolate I just want to whatever 682 00:28:46,930 --> 00:28:50,200 whatever exfilling the bank 683 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,630 I just want to XYZ I don't want to do it 684 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,530 right now so that's the resistance to 685 00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:57,550 the work it's 686 00:28:53,530 --> 00:28:59,500 okay and in the last category is similar 687 00:28:57,550 --> 00:29:02,290 to attacking your own credibility but a 688 00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:05,290 little bit more sharp a little bit more 689 00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:08,950 deep deep which is attacking your own 690 00:29:05,290 --> 00:29:09,850 self-worth yeah so it's like what's 691 00:29:08,950 --> 00:29:11,680 wrong with me 692 00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:13,780 no one else seems to be struggling like 693 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:18,400 I am I am I need anyone who found it 694 00:29:13,780 --> 00:29:22,140 hard with me oh my god I was wrong so 695 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:27,100 it's literally attacking your self-worth 696 00:29:22,140 --> 00:29:29,410 right so this is from lots and lots of 697 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:31,300 examples of the data and when I and I've 698 00:29:29,410 --> 00:29:34,000 shared this with many many people since 699 00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:36,490 and every person I've shared it with can 700 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:39,520 relate to most if not all of these 701 00:29:36,490 --> 00:29:41,410 categories right and so the idea to 702 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:44,290 answer your question in a very very long 703 00:29:41,410 --> 00:29:45,940 format is absolutely there are common in 704 00:29:44,290 --> 00:29:48,130 a critic internal voices that come up 705 00:29:45,940 --> 00:29:50,710 all the time related to our fear related 706 00:29:48,130 --> 00:29:54,820 to our internal resistance and if you 707 00:29:50,710 --> 00:30:00,310 can relate to any of that no it's a 708 00:29:54,820 --> 00:30:02,110 human thing I love it no you're not the 709 00:30:00,310 --> 00:30:03,910 only one and I love those five 710 00:30:02,110 --> 00:30:06,520 categories that you provided the 711 00:30:03,910 --> 00:30:08,590 overwhelm it's too hard not good enough 712 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:11,080 resistance and so forth they're 713 00:30:08,590 --> 00:30:13,000 definitely all very relatable categories 714 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,130 that you know I'm sure entrepreneurs 715 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:18,250 across the board experienced in one way 716 00:30:15,130 --> 00:30:19,990 shape or form I think what I thought was 717 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,490 most impressive about what you were 718 00:30:19,990 --> 00:30:23,770 stating just now to kind of want to 719 00:30:21,490 --> 00:30:26,110 rewind to you're expressing you know 720 00:30:23,770 --> 00:30:29,860 while you were writing the book how you 721 00:30:26,110 --> 00:30:32,050 just kept moving forward by using the 722 00:30:29,860 --> 00:30:34,960 journal by using that document by 723 00:30:32,050 --> 00:30:37,330 creating the momentum with it not even 724 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:40,120 to look back to see if you've written up 725 00:30:37,330 --> 00:30:42,220 before debating on how many times you've 726 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,860 written this little voice down it didn't 727 00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:48,040 matter the point was to get it out to 728 00:30:44,860 --> 00:30:50,170 get it out and keep the momentum flowing 729 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,460 so I just wanted to kind of bring us 730 00:30:50,170 --> 00:30:54,070 back to that because I thought that was 731 00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:55,930 really important and kudos and Congrats 732 00:30:54,070 --> 00:30:59,320 once again on the book I absolutely 733 00:30:55,930 --> 00:31:01,870 loved it and can't wait to get to the 734 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:04,060 boot camp Mary I'd love for you to share 735 00:31:01,870 --> 00:31:06,280 you know once again a little bit about 736 00:31:04,060 --> 00:31:06,759 what the boot camp will be like what 737 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,009 your 738 00:31:06,759 --> 00:31:13,269 to share there I'd like for you to also 739 00:31:09,009 --> 00:31:15,729 share your motivation why it is that you 740 00:31:13,269 --> 00:31:18,489 do what you do and why it is you're so 741 00:31:15,729 --> 00:31:20,619 excited to host this upcoming boot camp 742 00:31:18,489 --> 00:31:23,229 a great question thank you for asking so 743 00:31:20,619 --> 00:31:25,059 I have a 2-day boot camp it's a public 744 00:31:23,229 --> 00:31:28,089 speaking boot camp in here in the Boston 745 00:31:25,059 --> 00:31:30,519 area that I'll be holding it's on 746 00:31:28,089 --> 00:31:32,769 December the 9th and 10th is a Saturday 747 00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:36,009 and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. so you 748 00:31:32,769 --> 00:31:38,079 get two full days of immersion if you 749 00:31:36,009 --> 00:31:40,749 liked what you heard already on the 750 00:31:38,079 --> 00:31:42,699 podcast that is just a fraction of some 751 00:31:40,749 --> 00:31:45,339 of the things that I cover during the 752 00:31:42,699 --> 00:31:47,829 work in the boot camp so day one of the 753 00:31:45,339 --> 00:31:51,639 boot camp we spend a lot of time on the 754 00:31:47,829 --> 00:31:54,009 inner self so your internal dialogue of 755 00:31:51,639 --> 00:31:56,079 what's holding you back and what's 756 00:31:54,009 --> 00:31:58,749 keeping you from owning your full self 757 00:31:56,079 --> 00:32:00,639 expression as a public speaker and so 758 00:31:58,749 --> 00:32:03,059 day one will really spend a lot of time 759 00:32:00,639 --> 00:32:06,009 working on that looking at you and 760 00:32:03,059 --> 00:32:07,539 looking at the processes and guiding you 761 00:32:06,009 --> 00:32:09,719 through the processes and there's a lot 762 00:32:07,539 --> 00:32:12,819 of coaching that I do with you as well 763 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:14,739 so that we can have you have a 764 00:32:12,819 --> 00:32:18,399 transformational experience around 765 00:32:14,739 --> 00:32:20,529 public speaking and they one is what I 766 00:32:18,399 --> 00:32:22,749 was talking earlier before how most 767 00:32:20,529 --> 00:32:25,959 public speaking training are missing 768 00:32:22,749 --> 00:32:28,089 nobody talks about the how do you 769 00:32:25,959 --> 00:32:30,489 address the internal dialogue that comes 770 00:32:28,089 --> 00:32:32,619 up that disempowers you during public 771 00:32:30,489 --> 00:32:35,259 speaking or even in preparations for a 772 00:32:32,619 --> 00:32:37,839 presentation right so that we address in 773 00:32:35,259 --> 00:32:39,969 detail on day one day two of the 774 00:32:37,839 --> 00:32:42,519 bootcamp is more to do with the 775 00:32:39,969 --> 00:32:44,499 mechanics however it's more than just 776 00:32:42,519 --> 00:32:47,079 the regular mechanics you hear about we 777 00:32:44,499 --> 00:32:50,259 dive into engaging storytelling how do 778 00:32:47,079 --> 00:32:53,169 you get your point across in the form of 779 00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:55,359 a story so that you get the point across 780 00:32:53,169 --> 00:32:59,440 without boring people keep them engaged 781 00:32:55,359 --> 00:33:01,809 and they feel entertained so the idea is 782 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:04,029 having edutainment which is a 783 00:33:01,809 --> 00:33:06,459 combination of education and 784 00:33:04,029 --> 00:33:08,769 entertainment the more fun your audience 785 00:33:06,459 --> 00:33:10,059 has the more fun you have the better 786 00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:11,949 they're going to remember the content 787 00:33:10,059 --> 00:33:14,079 the more it's going to sink in anyway so 788 00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:16,419 we look into that we also look at the 789 00:33:14,079 --> 00:33:20,550 human psychology of how to influence 790 00:33:16,419 --> 00:33:22,890 people and how we can as presenters 791 00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:25,740 use that so that we can influence our 792 00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:28,440 audience to action so we dive a lot into 793 00:33:25,740 --> 00:33:30,240 that on day two and why is it two days 794 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:33,390 in a row because then it gives you the 795 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:36,230 immersive experience and you are there 796 00:33:33,390 --> 00:33:38,640 for my goal my intention is giving you a 797 00:33:36,230 --> 00:33:40,410 transformational experience not just of 798 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,990 public speaking but your own 799 00:33:40,410 --> 00:33:45,390 relationship to yourself and how you 800 00:33:42,990 --> 00:33:47,190 relate to public speaking so that when 801 00:33:45,390 --> 00:33:48,690 you come out of it you'll never think of 802 00:33:47,190 --> 00:33:51,420 public speaking the same way again 803 00:33:48,690 --> 00:33:54,000 okay so the idea is to empower you and 804 00:33:51,420 --> 00:33:55,620 give you the tools necessary to send you 805 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,080 on your way to become an amazing speaker 806 00:33:55,620 --> 00:34:01,440 and to answer your second question why 807 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,670 do I do what I do there's a that's a 808 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,820 great question because I think we should 809 00:34:02,670 --> 00:34:08,400 all start with the why and when I look 810 00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:11,010 at my Y as to why I'm doing business 811 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:13,919 this is actually just one step of the 812 00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:15,840 larger vision that I have public 813 00:34:13,919 --> 00:34:17,970 speaking is definitely a huge component 814 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:20,070 of that and that's where my own 815 00:34:17,970 --> 00:34:21,870 credibility lies in terms of having 816 00:34:20,070 --> 00:34:23,970 conquered my own fear of public speaking 817 00:34:21,870 --> 00:34:25,590 and now putting it out into the world in 818 00:34:23,970 --> 00:34:29,130 a bigger way than I have been in 819 00:34:25,590 --> 00:34:31,679 previous years of my life such as 820 00:34:29,130 --> 00:34:33,630 putting that book out such as these boot 821 00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:35,880 camps such as doing many more podcast 822 00:34:33,630 --> 00:34:38,040 interviews and getting the word out 823 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,929 about you inner critic and how we all 824 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:43,110 have the common fears and all have that 825 00:34:39,929 --> 00:34:45,149 internal negative dialog to separate 826 00:34:43,110 --> 00:34:47,550 ourselves from it because one one big 827 00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:49,140 part of the solution is to notice it and 828 00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:52,080 then to distinguish it so that there's 829 00:34:49,140 --> 00:34:54,960 space between you and that negative 830 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:57,330 internal dialogue and within that space 831 00:34:54,960 --> 00:35:01,620 then you can choose right I feel like 832 00:34:57,330 --> 00:35:04,560 this is a fundamental skill that is not 833 00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:07,260 taught in schools it's a fundamental 834 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:09,450 skill that's not taught in many families 835 00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:12,030 I certainly did not learn it from my 836 00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:13,860 parents and it was a skill that I had to 837 00:35:12,030 --> 00:35:15,830 learn it because I was dealing with 838 00:35:13,860 --> 00:35:19,560 these difficulties in everyday life 839 00:35:15,830 --> 00:35:20,970 which I needed to have tools to be able 840 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,890 to deal with it and move forward and 841 00:35:20,970 --> 00:35:25,320 contribute to the world what I need what 842 00:35:22,890 --> 00:35:27,780 I'm here to contribute and I feel like 843 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:30,720 it's a right for everyone to know how to 844 00:35:27,780 --> 00:35:32,910 do this for themselves oh and I feel 845 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:33,500 very strongly that I was put on this 846 00:35:32,910 --> 00:35:36,920 planet 847 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:39,440 to help contribute in that way to teach 848 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,660 and to educate people on how to empower 849 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,760 themselves so this public speaking 850 00:35:41,660 --> 00:35:46,010 component is a huge part of that going 851 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:48,920 forward for example I'm working on my 852 00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:51,410 third book which is just a way of how do 853 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:53,900 I mean writing and speaking these are 854 00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:56,510 just mediums right mediums for what a 855 00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:58,190 mediums to communicate a message so the 856 00:35:56,510 --> 00:36:00,740 what and what is the message right the 857 00:35:58,190 --> 00:36:02,300 message is and what I'm working on now 858 00:36:00,740 --> 00:36:05,320 in creating and putting out into the 859 00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:08,630 world on a larger scale is how to 860 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:10,940 process your own emotions so that you 861 00:36:08,630 --> 00:36:12,410 can process them in an empowering way 862 00:36:10,940 --> 00:36:14,840 and in a healthy way 863 00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:17,090 that brings you out to bring whatever 864 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:19,820 your gifts are into the world in a 865 00:36:17,090 --> 00:36:22,670 bigger way and I feel like this is my 866 00:36:19,820 --> 00:36:24,170 passion it's my calling even though it 867 00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:29,060 sounds really glamorous right all it's 868 00:36:24,170 --> 00:36:33,830 my calling it really is in some ways 869 00:36:29,060 --> 00:36:35,450 it's almost a burden right because it's 870 00:36:33,830 --> 00:36:37,070 great when the motivation sounds like 871 00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:38,810 yeah I'm totally gonna bring this out 872 00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:40,850 into the world yeah I'm totally gonna do 873 00:36:38,810 --> 00:36:42,620 that but then once the motivation leaves 874 00:36:40,850 --> 00:36:44,390 as it always does because it comes in 875 00:36:42,620 --> 00:36:46,790 ways when you're at the bottom of that 876 00:36:44,390 --> 00:36:49,250 motivation curve now now it appears like 877 00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:51,050 now I've got to do this thing right I 878 00:36:49,250 --> 00:36:53,840 can't go back to those internal 879 00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:54,860 resistance voices so noticing that and 880 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,980 still bringing it out into the world 881 00:36:54,860 --> 00:37:01,010 because I'm so clear for myself it's an 882 00:36:57,980 --> 00:37:02,180 inner internal intuitive knowing that 883 00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:05,030 this is what I'm meant to do right now 884 00:37:02,180 --> 00:37:07,010 and bringing that out into the world is 885 00:37:05,030 --> 00:37:08,600 what keeps me going because you know I 886 00:37:07,010 --> 00:37:12,170 look at my clients I look at the people 887 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:13,910 that I work with that takes what I teach 888 00:37:12,170 --> 00:37:15,910 them takes the processes that I teach 889 00:37:13,910 --> 00:37:20,330 them that I guide them through and 890 00:37:15,910 --> 00:37:21,950 totally owning it and totally embracing 891 00:37:20,330 --> 00:37:23,930 it as their own and then seeing the 892 00:37:21,950 --> 00:37:26,540 results that they produce in their world 893 00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:28,730 in this era life that's what keeps me 894 00:37:26,540 --> 00:37:31,190 going because ultimately it's not about 895 00:37:28,730 --> 00:37:32,810 me I'm just a medium through which this 896 00:37:31,190 --> 00:37:34,280 message is coming through and when I can 897 00:37:32,810 --> 00:37:36,380 see the results that my client has 898 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,730 produced for themselves that's what 899 00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:39,710 makes it rewarding for me that's that 900 00:37:37,730 --> 00:37:43,520 that's what keeps me going and motivated 901 00:37:39,710 --> 00:37:46,070 it's really important to be able to see 902 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,680 the changes that you're capable of 903 00:37:46,070 --> 00:37:49,350 created 904 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:52,980 in others in order to keep that momentum 905 00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:56,220 going but having the ability to reframe 906 00:37:52,980 --> 00:37:58,980 and deal with the personal internal 907 00:37:56,220 --> 00:38:00,780 dialogue and those pieces for yourself 908 00:37:58,980 --> 00:38:02,220 from watching those changes occur for 909 00:38:00,780 --> 00:38:04,740 others I think it's something that 910 00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:07,140 probably really does help you in terms 911 00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:09,390 of that momentum and moving forward the 912 00:38:07,140 --> 00:38:11,460 ability to witness those change if you 913 00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:14,790 could wave this magic wand and rid 914 00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:16,740 everyone of their inner critic what do 915 00:38:14,790 --> 00:38:19,880 you think the impact would be for the 916 00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:23,670 public speaking industry as a whole 917 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:26,790 hmm great I feel like there are so many 918 00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:30,150 gifts that that we have like yourself as 919 00:38:26,790 --> 00:38:32,280 well as the listeners and many people 920 00:38:30,150 --> 00:38:33,690 even know what those potential gifts are 921 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,450 that they have to offer to the world and 922 00:38:33,690 --> 00:38:38,700 then to bring that out into the physical 923 00:38:36,450 --> 00:38:40,590 world and manifesting that you know in 924 00:38:38,700 --> 00:38:42,810 ways that other people can use or in in 925 00:38:40,590 --> 00:38:45,150 ways that that contribute value to the 926 00:38:42,810 --> 00:38:47,910 to the community to the world to people 927 00:38:45,150 --> 00:38:50,250 outside of themselves whatever those 928 00:38:47,910 --> 00:38:53,100 gifts are then those are just going to 929 00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:56,130 be manifested I had this someone mentor 930 00:38:53,100 --> 00:38:57,240 that used to say the you know I'm gonna 931 00:38:56,130 --> 00:38:58,620 paraphrase because I don't remember the 932 00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:00,210 exact phrase but it's something along 933 00:38:58,620 --> 00:39:02,160 the lines of you know what is the 934 00:39:00,210 --> 00:39:04,260 richest place in the world you know is 935 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,510 it the the mines in Africa you know 936 00:39:04,260 --> 00:39:08,790 dying where the diamonds are no is it 937 00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:13,110 where the gold is no the richest place 938 00:39:08,790 --> 00:39:15,380 in the world is cemeteries and and and 939 00:39:13,110 --> 00:39:20,220 the reason he mentioned that is because 940 00:39:15,380 --> 00:39:23,670 he says how many books were not written 941 00:39:20,220 --> 00:39:25,890 how many songs were not composed how 942 00:39:23,670 --> 00:39:29,370 many businesses that could provide value 943 00:39:25,890 --> 00:39:31,020 were never created because the people 944 00:39:29,370 --> 00:39:32,190 were in their own way and you know how 945 00:39:31,020 --> 00:39:33,810 to get out of their way and so those 946 00:39:32,190 --> 00:39:36,480 books were not written that song was not 947 00:39:33,810 --> 00:39:38,580 written so all of the resources all of 948 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,170 the things that we could that we could 949 00:39:38,580 --> 00:39:43,500 as individuals bring out into the world 950 00:39:40,170 --> 00:39:45,330 did not get put out simply because we we 951 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:47,250 either didn't know how to get our own 952 00:39:45,330 --> 00:39:49,260 ways or that inner critic was so 953 00:39:47,250 --> 00:39:51,300 prominent we didn't have processes to 954 00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:52,380 get around it and so it wasn't your 955 00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:55,890 gifts weren't shared with the world 956 00:39:52,380 --> 00:39:57,510 right and so with that magic wand if 957 00:39:55,890 --> 00:39:59,790 everybody could just get rid of the 958 00:39:57,510 --> 00:40:01,890 inner critic and and or at least 959 00:39:59,790 --> 00:40:04,260 how to get around that said it doesn't 960 00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:07,320 stop them anymore the world would look 961 00:40:04,260 --> 00:40:10,350 like a very very different place I was 962 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:12,360 reading recently and that I forget the 963 00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:15,510 exact percentage but it was a very very 964 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:17,820 high percentage of how many people who 965 00:40:15,510 --> 00:40:19,860 are employees in the corporate world are 966 00:40:17,820 --> 00:40:21,540 dissatisfied and disengaged with their 967 00:40:19,860 --> 00:40:22,830 own jobs they're there for the Paycheck 968 00:40:21,540 --> 00:40:24,660 they're there just for that you know to 969 00:40:22,830 --> 00:40:27,300 make a living and they're not living 970 00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:29,520 their dreams whether the dream is a 971 00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:31,380 business or not right the inner critic 972 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:36,240 will get in the way of you manifesting 973 00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:37,830 that so I think that by having by by not 974 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:41,370 allowing the inner critic to get in the 975 00:40:37,830 --> 00:40:43,860 way will then give you the space to be 976 00:40:41,370 --> 00:40:45,870 able to pursue those things that you 977 00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:47,640 feel are important in the world and you 978 00:40:45,870 --> 00:40:49,170 feel that that make you happy 979 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:54,650 you know the things that bring you joy 980 00:40:49,170 --> 00:40:58,380 that bring you bliss and if you can now 981 00:40:54,650 --> 00:41:00,600 transmogrify that or or project that out 982 00:40:58,380 --> 00:41:02,010 into the future if everybody was to be 983 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,710 able to do that what a different world 984 00:41:02,010 --> 00:41:07,260 it would be I thought it was just to 985 00:41:04,710 --> 00:41:09,770 bring it back as you were paraphrasing 986 00:41:07,260 --> 00:41:14,040 the richest place in the world and and 987 00:41:09,770 --> 00:41:16,380 how much value has been missed I think 988 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:18,860 it's it's definitely something that 989 00:41:16,380 --> 00:41:21,750 everyone be it's someone who is 990 00:41:18,860 --> 00:41:24,780 interested in an entrepreneurial journey 991 00:41:21,750 --> 00:41:26,610 for those of you who were just listening 992 00:41:24,780 --> 00:41:28,410 because you're just interested in the 993 00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:30,300 show you're not interested in an 994 00:41:28,410 --> 00:41:31,710 entrepreneurial journey but you're 995 00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:34,410 thinking about moving forward with 996 00:41:31,710 --> 00:41:36,930 something else in life the inner critic 997 00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:38,700 is something that comes up for all of us 998 00:41:36,930 --> 00:41:41,070 no matter what kind of a journey were on 999 00:41:38,700 --> 00:41:43,950 the it entrepreneurial or not I can only 1000 00:41:41,070 --> 00:41:46,620 imagine what it would be like if so Mary 1001 00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:48,840 you've been absolutely wonderful I love 1002 00:41:46,620 --> 00:41:51,240 having you on the show I love chatting 1003 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:53,640 with you please share the best way for 1004 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:55,860 our listeners to find you thank you so 1005 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:57,420 much I enjoy being on the show it's such 1006 00:41:55,860 --> 00:41:59,010 a pleasure to the phone sometimes I 1007 00:41:57,420 --> 00:42:00,840 forget there might even be listeners 1008 00:41:59,010 --> 00:42:03,060 because it's like it's a conversation 1009 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:05,010 between you and I which is a testament 1010 00:42:03,060 --> 00:42:07,380 to what a good host you are so I want to 1011 00:42:05,010 --> 00:42:08,400 knowledge you as well thank you thank 1012 00:42:07,380 --> 00:42:12,500 you thank you 1013 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,500 so my website is 1014 00:42:13,260 --> 00:42:20,370 I'm calm magnetic podium is one word and 1015 00:42:17,420 --> 00:42:22,950 one of the best ways to get in touch 1016 00:42:20,370 --> 00:42:25,800 with me I would suggest is when you go 1017 00:42:22,950 --> 00:42:28,050 to my website magnetic podium calm in 1018 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:31,020 the upper right hand corner the menu if 1019 00:42:28,050 --> 00:42:32,580 you hover over contact there's a contact 1020 00:42:31,020 --> 00:42:34,950 form which you could fill out in text or 1021 00:42:32,580 --> 00:42:37,680 you can click on schedule a call with 1022 00:42:34,950 --> 00:42:39,330 Mary and then you can schedule a 1023 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:41,520 complimentary short call fifteen to 1024 00:42:39,330 --> 00:42:43,260 thirty minute call to see if there is a 1025 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,850 way that I can help you I would love to 1026 00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:46,740 learn about you know what your 1027 00:42:44,850 --> 00:42:49,320 challenges are what your goals are 1028 00:42:46,740 --> 00:42:53,130 whether it's around public speaking or 1029 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:54,330 just getting more clarity in general you 1030 00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:56,160 know some of the things we spoke about 1031 00:42:54,330 --> 00:42:57,750 on the podcast if it resonates with you 1032 00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,180 I would love to see if there's any way 1033 00:42:57,750 --> 00:43:03,570 that I can help you we will be sure to 1034 00:43:00,180 --> 00:43:06,510 link to magnetic podium comm and we will 1035 00:43:03,570 --> 00:43:10,170 be sure to link to the specific page to 1036 00:43:06,510 --> 00:43:11,880 sign up for the book so that if you in 1037 00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:14,430 fact didn't get a chance to check that 1038 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:16,770 link out during the last episode we will 1039 00:43:14,430 --> 00:43:19,560 be sure that that link is there present 1040 00:43:16,770 --> 00:43:23,280 yourself in public speaking and also a 1041 00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:25,320 link to contact you know a link to the 1042 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,510 direct contact page to contact you so 1043 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:29,310 get in touch if you're interested in the 1044 00:43:27,510 --> 00:43:32,250 boot camp that is coming up December 1045 00:43:29,310 --> 00:43:35,760 ninth and tenth Saturday and Sunday I 1046 00:43:32,250 --> 00:43:38,220 will be there with Mary for this boot 1047 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:40,740 camp so we look forward to seeing all of 1048 00:43:38,220 --> 00:43:42,780 you there Mary thank you again and I 1049 00:43:40,740 --> 00:43:44,310 look forward to hanging up soon thanks 1050 00:43:42,780 --> 00:43:45,960 Laurie I'm so excited to see you in 1051 00:43:44,310 --> 00:43:48,000 December as well thanks for having me 1052 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:49,740 Mary thank you once again for joining us 1053 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,990 this week I am super excited about 1054 00:43:49,740 --> 00:43:53,640 joining you for your two-day present 1055 00:43:51,990 --> 00:43:55,740 yourself in public speaking boot camp 1056 00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,300 this weekend techie community thank you 1057 00:43:55,740 --> 00:43:59,820 guys for hanging out with us for this 1058 00:43:57,300 --> 00:44:02,070 episode and be sure to join Mary Ann I 1059 00:43:59,820 --> 00:44:04,530 live in Bluebird Mass for her to Day 1060 00:44:02,070 --> 00:44:04,980 present yourself in public speaking boot 1061 00:44:04,530 --> 00:44:07,200 camp 1062 00:44:04,980 --> 00:44:08,700 December 9th and 10th I've included a 1063 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:11,220 link in the show notes page for easy 1064 00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:14,370 access you can reach out to Mary via her 1065 00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:15,960 website at magnetic podium comm you can 1066 00:44:14,370 --> 00:44:17,570 also register and reach out to Mary 1067 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:21,270 through our show notes page at 1068 00:44:17,570 --> 00:44:23,760 technology - quality comm forward slash 1069 00:44:21,270 --> 00:44:25,570 your talents thank you once again for 1070 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:28,750 joining us for this episode number 1071 00:44:25,570 --> 00:44:30,820 74 and until our next episode when we 1072 00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:35,400 continue to hear the journey find the 1073 00:44:30,820 --> 00:44:35,400 pain and create solutions enjoy the beat 1074 00:44:37,080 --> 00:45:03,890 [Music] 1075 00:45:01,990 --> 00:45:05,950 [Applause] 1076 00:45:03,890 --> 00:45:05,950 you